How do you know that?

It was a tiny little cottage on the edge of the lake that was rented over the summer for years before they finally bought it. It was run down, old, and really only salvageable, people thought, if it were torn down and bought as a lot only. Few people put value in the remnants of the weekend-only cottage. It was the land on a lake that attracted people, or so the locals thought.

The roof was in horrific shape. The house was up on stilts because there had been high water years ago. The paint was long ago faded and peeling. The stairs leading to and from the house were unsafe, and it appeared to be a one-room place to shield yourself from the sun, and little else.

“I met my new neighbors next door,” my friend told me. They are nice. They have five kids and it appears they have lots of money,” she told me.

The “new neighbors” had been frequenting their new cottage for several months now, but because they came and went so quickly, no one had met them yet. Much to our surprise, they didn’t knock down the old weathered room on stilts. They hired a contractor to give her new vigor and glory.

“Jackie is upset with the contractor,” she told me. “I guess he was supposed to put in cathedral ceilings, but couldn’t, so without her permission, he put in standard ceilings instead, and she is not happy. The contractor is supposedly going to replace the roof, and paint the siding, too.”

Something struck me about putting in cathedral ceilings into a building that looked like it wouldn’t be standing for long.

My friend was happy to at least see the old place get a new face, but she perplexed me when she said the new neighbors appeared to have lots of money. You could see insecurity take her over. It was an odd twist, because my friend was the one who lived next door in a lovely brand new four-bedroom house that towered with great presence over this shackled cottage.

What gave her the impression that these people had money, I wondered. If anyone were to be insecure, I would have expected it to be the new neighbors: putting money into a money pit that likely wouldn’t yield an appropriate financial return.

“They told me they have three houses — that this is their third one,” she started. “They told me they are going to knock this place down in a year or so and build their dream home –and they are going to put up the garage this fall. Furthermore, you know, they live in that expensive town back home — and he tells me he owns a business.”

There before me was my friend who was doing well by most peoples’ standards, yet when this person bragged that he was better off than she was, at least in a financial state, it took the wind out of my friend’s sails. It saddened me, because I could feel my friend’s heart and soul drain, as if she worked so hard to get ahead, yet still couldn’t compete — even after she bought her first beautiful home on a lake. You could feel her wonder why she didn’t own three houses, let alone a summer house. How could he get so lucky! What was she doing wrong? The thoughts streamed across her face in expressions that were very telling.

Yet when I took a closer look, I didn’t believe one word out of these new neighbors’ mouths. Okay, I did believe one: I believed they did own a business. That was logical, but nothing else seemed to be.

I watched the man walk on his property when I visited my friend. He was rather big, and had an arrogance about him. He walked around with attitude and presence. You could feel he wanted to be seen, heard and known. He wanted attention and didn’t mind getting it anyway he could. People like this often are insecure and tend to brag. When people have money, most of the time, they are quite content and feel little need to brag. They know they have it, so why brag about it?

The wife was meek, bone-thin and looked as if she walked out of 1970. Her hair flowed down to her knees, and you had to wonder if it had ever been cut. And their children ran wild around the neighborhood with incredible excitement as if they owned the place. Our neighborhood became their campground.

It didn’t take me but an instant to figure out these people were insecure, and their big effort to convince my friend they were well-to-do was likely untrue. When I told her I didn’t believe them, she looked at me with incredible disbelief. She was sure I was just saying this to soothe her soul.

When I told her I suspected they were no wealthier than she was and that they likely didn’t live in the mansion like the one she had created for them in her mind, she had serious doubts about what I was telling her. I assured her a new house wasn’t going up anytime soon, because if it were, they wouldn’t be throwing away money in this old shack. They wouldn’t be dreaming of this cottage as a haven with cathedral ceilings.

Something about putting cathedral ceilings in a shack really hit me hard. It was the flag that alluded to the fact this was a “dream cottage” and those cathedral ceilings were going to bring the dream alive. Because after all, there are people who have loads of money, who live simply, and are happy. But those cathedral ceilings turned the dice the other way.

I explained to my friend that if you own three houses, first and foremost, you don’t waste your money by putting it into a knock-down cottage that likely won’t hold the resale value for the money you are putting into it. You build a new one, even if it is modest. If you have money, you don’t put your eggs in a basket with holes in it.

Furthermore, I told her you don’t sit on the shore of a lake with five kids, and all pile into a rowboat that came well-worn with the cottage. If you have money, you buy a boat or a pontoon, immediately, even if it is used. You don’t have to buy a big boat or a new boat, but a boat with a motor is pretty essential for most people on the lake, even if it is used. Why are they going without? Especially if they are well off.

It was what they said, their demeanor, their character and their behavior that all came together for me. They came across as a family who did likely own a business, who struggled all of their lives, lived in less than stellar neighborhoods, but managed to make a few extra bucks in a hard-earned business and decided to buy a summer cottage. That was logical.

I also explained that while they may in fact live in this well-to-do town at home, it doesn’t mean they lived in the part of the city where the money is, where the big mansions are. I asked my friend if she knew the town, because I suspected these people lived in the east side of town, the side that bordered a low-income area, where housing was cheap and crime was higher, where a house for $100,000 was not uncommon. I even suggested to my friend to check it out–to see where they lived full-time–hoping it would alleviate her unfounded beliefs, but to no avail. My friend continued on in her misery of self-doubt, and feelings of low self-worth.

And then one day, months later, she finally did it: She got frustrated enough that she looked up where they lived full-time, and got the shock of her summer. She called me in total disbelief. “You are right, they live in an apartment on the low-income side of town! I can’t believe you knew that!”

“How do you know this stuff!” she questioned me.

“I don’t know. I just do,” I replied. “Everything they said to me just painted a clear picture, and it wasn’t the picture they wanted me to see. It was vastly different.”

I do not believe the measure of man can ever be determined by the size of his wallet, but sadly, both my friend and this man believed it to be so. I believe man should be judged by his kind heart, his compassion and caring soul. What surrounds that is unimportant. Had neither neighbor cared about prestige and wealth, their relationship may have been very different. They may not have started their relationship with such disparaging views. In the end, while outward appearances showed huge differences, they were much more alike than different, but neither knew it.

Now, more than five years later, the family of seven still comes to the lake and stays in their tiny, little, summer-only cottage, which hasn’t changed much since the day the contractor finished re-roofing and painting the place. The new dream home never materialized, though a garage did come to be, as did a boat, and a very old and loud jet ski. I suspect it is the result of a hard-earned business, slowly yielding the fruits of their labor.