Liar! Liar! It’s not so black and white…
When someone lies to us, they are a liar, and we naturally assume they lie to everyone for the most part, right?
It makes sense, doesn’t it?
Not so fast. I have an interesting story to tell you.
My mom and I have struggled to find a dentist for years because we keep getting lied to. After years of struggle, my mom and dad finally found a dentist who truly treated them fair. He didn’t push treatments on them, treated them fairly when they had pain resolving it appropriately, and did the essential care for a reasonable price. Having some knowledge of the dental field because I used to work as an assistant, I thought we finally found our dentist. I truly believe he gave my parents quality care.
When I went a year later, my experience was dramatically different. This dentist filled multiple cavities, and did a sloppy job–nothing like he did for my parents. He also tried to tell me that I had a cavity in my front tooth, and something told me he was full of it. I decided to go for a second opinion and sure enough, the next dentist I tried showed me that I did not have a cavity. What in fact this dentist who said I did have one was doing was pointing to a genetic flaw in my tooth– a hole–which occurred on the same tooth on the other side of mouth, too. There absolutely was no cavity. She showed me how it was just the design of my teeth. I had other problems with this dentist to, so I started seeing this new doctor who shared the truth with me. This new dentist is approximately 10 years my senior.
Fast forward another year, after our experiences with my parents old dentist, my parents decided to try my dentist. I trusted her. Can you guess what happened? She told lie after lie to my parents in attempt to get them to do expensive procedures! I was flabbergasted at what she was telling them. For anyone who knew anything about the dental field, it didn’t take a second to see that she was truly hungry and being deceptive.
My mom and I got into a few arguments about “our dentists”, and I finally said that we can both find someone we trust to care for us, but it doesn’t mean they will give that same care and honest treatment to someone else. It was kind of a shocking revelation, though it makes sense in an odd way.
In hindsight, the dentist my mom found was older. He was within 10 years of her age. This dentist likely saw her as a peer and felt a need to meet a certain standard of care with my parents. When I showed up, I was just a “young kid” to him. I was within a few years in age of his children. He didn’t have the respect or care he did for my parents so lying to me was much easier. Then when I found my dentist, she was more my peer and my parents were “old people” to her–easy to influence because they were “old” in her eyes. She forgot I was knowledgeable about dental procedures. Oops.
People affect us in different ways. We react to people differently. We may trust one person and have a bad feeling towards another. It all affects how we interact with people. We may be generous and giving with one person and turn our back on another. It’s reality. So next time you are convinced someone is honest, don’t always be confident just because they are honest and treat you fair, they will treat others fair too. Biases affect all aspects of our lives.
And its clear, some people will take advantage of those they feel superior to. It’s a little uncomfortable to think about, isn’t it?
You probably didn’t intend for this post to be about bashing dentists, but…
I had my wisdom teeth removed by a dentist despite being told by my orthodontist a couple years earlier that I didn’t need to, they’d grow in fine. I was young and inexperienced so I went through with it. I absolutely regret it to this day. They were already mostly in except for one. Having them removed felt like I had half of my chewing power gone. I pretty much resent that dentist for doing it to me. Now I just assume they’re totally in it for the money and wisdom teeth removal is completely a racket.
I had a scare about a small town dentist. I believe he may have had or was close to having a nervous breakdown. He went on and on about how upset and depressed he was because people were having to get false teeth. He said I had a cavity between my front teeth, and he just didn’t know how to get to it to fill it. He had another dentist working in the dental clinic come in and look at the x-rays. He agreed it was a cavity, and he didn’t know how to advise the dentist on how to fill it.(He possibly didn’t want to get involved with this wired up dentist in a whacky procedure.) The dentist finally told me to leave and gave me an appointment to come in at another time. He said he had to have time to think about filling this cavity. He was a wreck over my (supposed) cavity. I left there a nervous wreck myself, and I thought if this middle-aged long time dentist didn’t know how to fill my tooth, I didn’t want to take a chance on him. I decided to get a second opinion. There was no cavity! I don’t think he was after more money, but I honestly believe he was too much of a wreck to do anymore dental work. I am glad I was sensitive enough to sense danger
Eyes, I think the dentist you went to thought older people might be living on a pension, so he charged less. Younger people probably have money or the ability to pay for the work, so as a rule, he charged younger people more. If someone came in dressed in a way that showed how poor they were, he may have adjusted his prices again. There is usually a range of prices that salesmen can adjust for people who keep holding out and insisting on a better deal. A lot of dentists may be able to do that, also. It is pretty scary when they start filling teeth that don’t need to be filled.
Thank you for posting this. I actually thought when I read the title that this had something to do with Ferguson.
I’ve had friends recommend contractors who did wonderful work for them who then attempted very sub par corner cutting work. It was surprising and hard to reconcile, but yes. Just because someone is honest with one type of individual it doesn’t necessarily translate to how they behave across humanity.
As far as agreeing to disagree- how do you reconcile that internally? Obviously you’re accustomed to experiencing someone lying to you- how often are you aware that the same person would treat someone different than you differently? Maybe instead of based on age, what if their preferential treatment was based on race? Do you feel it’s your duty to comment on that? Along with your ability to discern truth telling, do you have any of those preferences of your own?
I live in Chicago, Eyes, as I think you do also. I had a dentist in my 20’s who was always blah, blah, blah saying how GREAT his life was while I was in the chair. Happy, happy, happy. I would actually almost leave there depressed thinking about how my life pretty much sucked compared to his. Ugh! I found out later that his wife put a “hit” on him and actually hired a contract killer (obviously, a detective) because he used to beat her all the time. A very abusive husband but a CONTINUOUSLY HAPPY dentist. When I heard this whole story and how he was using cocaine and screwing around w/ his staff? I get it, because his HAPPY, HAPPY SELF made me out of my mind. I don’t condone his wife hiring a hitman, but I can see how she would. So he beats her to no end but, she ends up in jail and he is still practicing dentistry downtown. On Earth???
This reminds me of complaining to one of my girlfriends (15 years older than I) about what a terrible horrible very bad doc I had. She recommended I go to her doc because he was so honest respectful and caring. She got me his card – it was the same guy.
Funny as HECK! Thanks for sharing that one.:)
Oh no! Haha. Seems to fit with this post.
Interesting blog! What I don’t understand is, why is dental insurance separate from health insurance? If the two were combined, and dentistry wasn’t considered more cosmetic than a component of overall health, it would take a lot of the guess work about finding the “right” dentist off the table. In my mind, a healthy mouth means not being socially isolated by appearances, and indicates proper nutrition (because painful teeth make it hard to eat raw or fresh vegetables). If someone hates their mouth or can’t sleep well because they grind their teeth, it will effect overall health – mental and physical. Separating the two just makes things more complicated and expensive for the patient.
I couldn’t agree more with this. It’s scary to think some people consciously do it, and others aren’t even aware of themselves doing it (both are scary :P). I’ve certainly caught myself acting differently based on the person I was dealing with.
One thing I thought of is how we’ve all been in that position where we’ve had a bad day or feel the need to vent our emotions, and end up doing it. The person you finally end up releasing that emotion on probably isn’t JUST in a bad place at a bad time. Ideally, we shouldn’t act that way to anybody, but to do it to that particular person could mean that you don’t like or respect the person. Could mean you feel safe venting on that person because you don’t expect a backlash, etc. Interesting how our thoughts (oftentimes subconscious) affect the way you treat people
What a fascinating idea Eyes. It seems like impartial honesty is even harder to find. And it makes you think of how important it is to get on with a person you’re dealing with. Perhaps a shared understanding gives security that you will treat each other fairly.