Myth Busted: “To be honest with you…”

Many people tell me that when they hear “to be honest with you”, or similarly, “to tell you the truth” and “honestly”, they believe the person is lying.  As they say, why else say it unless you are going to lie?

Listen to Shahid Khan, owner of the American NFL team, the Jacksonville Jaguars, say it above at time marker 10:26.

“Well, I gotta be honest with you, its kind of the only thing that made me a little bit angry,” says Khan about being held at the border after 911 due to being of foreign descent.

Do you think he is lying?

He is not lying.  So why do honest people say this?

I polled people on my Facebook page, and here are some of the responses people gave why they use it:

• “… I use that, normally… right before I state something reluctantly. If I am aware that the truth is going to illicit a negative reaction from someone, I will us that phrase as a preface, especially after being pestered for information that I would not like to share.”
• “I think I’ve used the phrase more when I am asked for my opinion on something and I feel that the person asking may not like my opinion after I express it.”
• “I do say “honestly” and “to be honest” when I’m admitting some kind of harsh truth that I have not wanted to say for fear of a fight. I also say it when I want to emphasize something truthful.”

That makes sense, doesn’t it?  So honest people use these terms, too.

Can a liar use these phrases?

Absolutely. 

But is this a reliable clue to deception?

I don’t believe it is.

Unless we can delineate why we know its a lie versus when it is the truth, then I would caution people from making assumptions because its not much better than a coin toss otherwise.

Below Katy Perry say, “I’ll be honest. Sometimes I just watch the Super Bowl for the half time show and the commercials.”

See time marker :25.

Is she telling the truth?

Absolutely!

She is absolutely telling the truth and doing exactly what others said above–prefacing her statement because she doesn’t think it is going to be liked! Katy Perry gives us a micro-expression of fear before she begins, and then covers her face because she is slightly embarrassed she admitted it!

If you recall, Katy first replied with “I love the Super Bowl, of course”–that’s what caused her pause. With her next statement, she basically admits she doesn’t love the game for necessarily “the game”, and she honestly tells you why!