Dangerous People: How to Identify Them
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One thing I’ve realized over the years is that people struggle to identify people who can cause them harm. I mean everyone has negative traits, right? So how do you know when someone posses a risk to you or could harm you?
Many people want to give people the benefit of the doubt when they display negative behavior, but is that really wise?
Sure, you can forgive someone for one outburst that is unacceptable if they had a bad day, but when you start forgiving them for negative trait after negative trait, that’s when you are getting into troubled territory.
So many times victims will tell you that they didn’t see trouble coming because there were no clues, but there are absolutely clues, it’s just people don’t know what to look for or they ignore them.
So today I want to share with you traits that people can have that should cause you concern and even alarm. If you know a person who exhibits any of the following traits, you really should take notice. These traits are NEVER EVER GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR YOU.
If a person has two, three, four or more of these traits, you are likely dealing with a person who has a high probability to disregard you, use you, and even harm you emotionally, psychologically or physically. If they have many of these traits, you might not even want to engage with this person. Why would you ever want to invest in a downward spiral like this? Why take that risk?
Traits of Dangerous People
• glib and superficial charm
• grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self
• need for stimulation
• pathological lying
• cunning and manipulative
• lack of remorse or guilt
• shallow affect (superficial emotional responsiveness)
• callousness and lack of empathy
• parasitic lifestyle
• poor behavioral controls
• sexual promiscuity
• lack of realistic long-term goals
• impulsivity
• irresponsibility
• failure to accept responsibility for own actions
• many short-term marital relationships
This checklist is not mine. It’s from the well known psychologist Dr. Robert Hare. This is the psychopathic checklist. It’s used by professionals and not intended for the public to diagnose a psychopath (they use a scoring method to do it), but you don’t need any specialized training to know that someone who has many of these traits, you can know that they could careless about others, and are truly out for their own good. They will without a doubt use people, and disregard them after they satisfy their own needs.
When I see people with these traits, I don’t walk. I run. And I completely disengage. They aren’t worth the time of day. I chose to invest in people who care and are compassionate.
And last but not least, many people will see these traits and disregard them, and explain them away. This is very dangerous for you to do to yourself. You are denying red flags and you need to ask yourself why. What can’t you accept that you are doing this?
I hope this helps people assess other people’s risk factors. Be safe!
In my experience psychopaths are the most popular people in any group, and good friends to have, especially if you’re female. Would you rather have them as enemies?
Keith, what do you mean by that? Interesting comment. My impulse is to stay away from people like this and keep them at an arms length or longer. Once I was in a relationship with someone who was bipolar, and a therapist told me to disengage because any time he would go off his medication, I would become a target. I realize this is different than someone who is psychopathic.
Something else that is interesting to me is the lying component that is prevalent in many disorders/mental illnesses. I wonder if being psychopathic is considered a mental disorder.
All I know is I’ve been in two groups that were really fun and both had psychopaths as their effective leader. They aren’t bipolar, they’re people you look up to. They really help with group cohesion. I’m not saying to get emotionally involved with them but if you have a general policy of avoiding them then I think you rule out a lot of good situations.
Wow. In that one bizarro-world response, you’ve admitted to three things, Keith:
1) You voted for Trump. Fine, whatever… so did a lot of people I’ll never understand; but
2) You also ACKNOWLEDGE the (patently obvious) fact that he is an irresponsible, manipulative, pathological liar who uses & discards people without guilt nor remorse, possesses neither SELF CONTROL nor basic human empathy, is out *only* for himself, accepts no responsibility for his actions, and LACKS REALISTIC LONG-TERM GOALS!: and yet
3) You’ve somehow convinced yourself that “As long as he’s *OUR* RAGING PSYCHOPATH, what can go wrong?”
The most shocking part, though, isn’t that you’ve *consciously* bought into ths delusion that you/we/America/anyone can “take what we need” from a monster like this and “leave the rest,” (i.e., sign a deal with the devil) without getting burned or *destroyed* in the process, but that you’re marching head-on this trap while remaining “Eyes for Lies” most devoted follower…?!
To quote EYES: “Many people will see these traits and disregard them, and explain them away. This is very dangerous.”… “You are denying red flags and you need to ask yourself why.”
EYES: Can you please explain to me why people so often CHOOSE not to see what’s right there in front of them?
Ha!
I see you changed your comment. You misunderstood Keith completely. I came here to respond to it, but maybe you changed your mind, hence why the comment has changed.
I feel like I should chime in here that this is a different Keith than me, in case there was some confusion there.
Ah, sorry. I’ve added an initial.
Keith — I don’t think the people you are speaking about are psychopaths. Psychopaths spit our there friends, use anyone for anything and no one is safe. Ever. I disagree.
I worked for a psychopath once not many years ago, and it was scary and unnerving constantly. And this guy “liked” me to the extent that psychopaths like anyone, which I suspect is because he sensed I knew who he was.
But the way he could switch any expression of emotion off like a switch at will for way too long and then move on as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened was always one of the single most disturbing things I have seen in my life. I hated it every time he did that because it just made you feel like you’d become completely separated and isolated from the world around you when he did it to you. It was terrifying that he was able to do that with such ease on a whim like that. I doubt the effect can even be expressed in text. Just utterly terrifying.
The people I’m talking about are smart psychopaths. I’ve never known psychopaths stupid enough to become criminals, or even to get found out by their peers, with the exception of a few violent outbursts that everyone is willing to quickly overlook. I think a really understudied phenomenon is how easily people will become in thrall to an alpha personality. I’ve watched it up close and it’s really interesting. As I said, I’ve been in two groups that were really fun and both had psychopaths as the alpha – I’m willing to bet that many or even most social or political groups are led by psychopaths.
Keith J. Very interesting comment. Took me a minute to think about what you’re saying and I actually “get” it – I think? Yes, psychopaths are good with group cohesion. Especially as the leader of a group. While I understand that in your experience, it was positive… I hope you consider, going forward, that it can be dangerous to be involved with groups led by psychopaths. The group, generally speaking, serves as nothing more than narcissistic supply for the psychopath – feeding his (or her) ego. Throw in political or religious movements and you end up in a cult – which is probably the ultimate dream for the biggest psychopaths. Jonestown, Waco, TX, the sweatshop in Sedona Arizona … those are worst case scenarios but it is a reality of what can happen when psychopaths lead groups.
My examples come from a group of volunteers in a charity shop and a group of music fans. Normal situations. I really think that many or even most social groups have a psychopath as their emotional core. They’re reckoned to be roughly as common as people on the autistic spectrum, so if you think how often you encounter them and the sort of everyday settings you find them in, it’s probably a good estimate.
People should know this is Keith Jenks…as we have another Keith who posts here frequently. Just wanted to be clear 🙂
Oh dear! Having ended a relationship with a high functioning psychopath this year really hits home with this post! I have memorized ALL those traits! Yes, Keith, they are fun! They are disarmingly charming. That’s how they hook you in. You think they are fun people and they are, unless and until you are in an interpersonal relationship with them, you will never see their true heart…they don’t have one. That’s when you see the “real” them, the evil, nasty, hateful, envious, jealous side of them. What they show the world is quite different than who they really are. Even if they make you feel like a friend, they are still using you to their benefit. Don’t be blind to these people. They are not like us. They have no empathy, they use people however they please. Yeah, they are leaders and they get there because they could care less of who they hurt on their way to the top. I’ve learned to identify these people…they are not healthy people to be around!!
I have to work with one of these people. She sends a chill down my spine. She was using me as a piggy bank until I almost caught her going for my desk when she thought I was going to the lunchroom to make my oatmeal. She knew my routine. She laughs at her daughter crying, very critical and lacking in compassion for people and I also caught her smearing my reputation behind my back. One of our colleagues got promoted to office manager, and it chaps her hide so much, she tried to manipulate the Director into making her the same salary level – not possible in her category. I’m so happy I’m going to be retiring in 3 years.
Too bad this wasn’t posted before Election Day…
Buyer beware, a lot (almost all) of these traits will carry over to people suffering from Manic-Depressive (bipolar disorder) and especially Borderliners. The main difference would be that they are not flawed by design, but can be nevertheless dangerous, very dangerous (especially Borderliners). Unlike psychopaths who have no emotions , these people just have them too much. Way too much. A good rule of thumb is that they have all of these traits, but instead of a grandiose estimation of self, a horrible or at best very poor worth of self (self esteem). Run for the hills? I don’t know. Since they are not flawed by design, they are not evil (“permanent selfish” / “ends justify the means”) by nature. They love and care and fear and suffer, but simply they are just bat$h!t insane. Mehh, on second thought, best avoided, unfortunately 🙁