My Thoughts: Poll on Deception Clues

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Now that all of you have voted on what you think are my biggest clues to deception, I thought I would share with you my thoughts.

I feel strongly that my two biggest tip-offs that someone is lying are inconsistencies in emotions, and odd word choices. These are what I believe are my two biggest clues.

Read moreNext I would have to say is inconsistencies in fact, followed by inconsistencies in personality/character, and microexpressions. The last two being interchangeable.

  1. Inconsistencies in emotions
  2. Odd word choices
  3. Inconsistencies in fact
  4. Inconsistencies in personality/character
  5. Microexpressions

Here are your thoughts:


Microexpressions aren’t all that common, or if they are, I don’t always consciously notice them, and I don’t blog about seeing them all that much. I have to wonder: Do I see them, register them into my equation, but I am not conscious of them? I don’t know.

I took a few minutes to review a handful of cases in my blog to see what clues I truly used most, and I have to say I was surprised. Of course this is nothing scientific, and could totally change if we reviewed every case I have discussed, but it is interesting nonetheless:

Anna Ayala’s son: inconsistent emotions, odd word choices
John Mark Karr: inconsistent emotions, inconsistent facts
Ted Haggard: inconsistent emotions
Britney Spears: odd word choices, inconsistent emotions
Howard K. Stern: inconsistent emotions, questionable facts
Adam Saleh: inconsistent emotions
Bobby Cutts: odd word choices, inappropriate voice inflection

What do you think?

Fishy Experience

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I found a light for my bathroom a few months back that I liked, but I decided foolishly to wait before purchasing it until we were ready to install it. No need for it to just lay around. You would guess they discontinued it in December.

Considering that December was only a handful of months ago, I decided to see if I could find one online in an off-beat location, or warehouse sitting on shelf. There has to be one, but can I find it?

I am hopeful.

Read moreI spent an hour yesterday calling around, and visiting websites. I called numerous places, but everyone was sold out. I didn’t give up. I know there are some sitting in warehouses somewhere!

Then I found a website that I had run across before using a different search string, and they said they had it in stock! They said on their website they keep all items in stock, and the item would ship in 24-48 hours. But before I got excited, I decided to call them.

They just didn’t have a number listed anywhere where I could reach them at so I emailed them and waited for a response.

It’s not good that they don’t have a phone number. It’s a red flag, but I reasoned in my desire and longing for this light that maybe this is a home run business, and they don’t want calls at all hours of the day. Maybe this business buys discontinued items–that’s why they had them in stock. At least that is what I told myself.

Damn emotions!

So today thinking about the light again and not hearing back from them, I went to the website, and I decided oh-what-the-heck, I’ll just order it and see. If they don’t have it, they won’t charge me. It won’t be the first time this has happened without a hitch.

So I put the light in the online cart, and it asked me to create a new customer account. So I did. That’s when I saw on the registration page my second red flag.

It wanted a shipping address. It read as follows:

Street Address:
Suburb:
Post Code:
City:
State/Province:
Country:

What?

We don’t enter our address in this format in the U.S. Clearly, this is now hinting to be a company overseas acting as if they are an American company. Yet, when you pulled down country option, there was only one selection for the United States, and they had an American fax number.

Hmmm…

It was fishy.

Then below that, it showed shipping charges of $69.00 labeled as “Best Way”. There was no other explanation for shipping provided. I was looking at small vanity light. Clearly, the shipping charge was insane.

I knew I was being had, and now they already had my real name and e-mail address. I am a bit unnerved. I went back in to see if I could modify my account, and I could so I added in all bogus information deleting anything personal I could find. How scary!

I then went to check out who owns the IP address, and while they give a Wilmington, Delaware address, and have an American contact whose name is foreign, they write their phone number like this:

+1 1232342123

That’s how they do it overseas. Bah!

Clearly, my emotions and desires were leading me astray. I wanted that damn light, and I was overruling important messages. I wasn’t listening to the signals I was getting when clearly I should have! I am so happy I never gave any credit card information.

Emotions are our biggest derailment to seeing the truth for what it is.

And now, two hours later, I found the light in-stock in a store 30 miles from me. How about that? I did it. Safely. Whew!

Keep those emotions for desires and wants in check, or you are bound to have regrets sooner or later. I think I came close to having my own regrets today!

Dentist Update

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I spoke to my dad this weekend about his crown to find out what happened. He went back to the dentist to get his crown cemented in late last week for the second time. I was curious to know how it all went.

My dad told me after the assistant seated him, and just after the doctor greeted him, he said to the doctor that he did some reading on the web, and saw on Wikipedia that gold crowns were on average 20% less than porcelain crowns. My dad asked why he did not get a reduction in price (when the doctor at the ninth hour had changed the order from porcelain to gold)?

Read moreThe dentist said did you come here today to chew the price down? Is that your goal?

My dad politely said no. I want you to do what you think is fair. I’ll leave that decision up to you on how you want to handle this.

My dad said the dentist immediately said he was going to have that information on Wikipedia removed at once, and that if my dad didn’t trust him to make the appropriate choices for him as a professional then he wasn’t interested to do business with my dad.

My dad immediately pipped up and said that it wasn’t that he didn’t trust him because he had. My dad reminded the dentist of a recent referral my dad had sent to him–a woman who was getting three crowns, and who was also in the middle of her procedure a few weeks behind my dad. My dad said “If I didn’t trust you, I would have never sent you a recommendation.”

The doctor retorted back in an angry voice, “I don’t pay for my recommendations.”

My dad saw things were going well. The dentist was mad, indignant and simply wanted my dad to go away. The dentist left the room and said he had an emergency, but that he would be back.

My dad guesses that the dentist went to check out Wikipedia. He then came back, cemented in my dad’s crown, and told him never to come back.

My dad asked him if he was sure he wanted to do this , and the dentist angrily said yes!

My dad then walked out to pay his bill not knowing what he’d find. He was shocked. There was an additional $200 bill waiting for him–on top of the full price they had agreed upon originally. It was a $200 charge to cement in the crown! Can you believe it? I used to work in a dental office and this is beyond outrageous.

During the last visit, my dad specifically asked if there were any additional charges if they switched to the gold crown from the full priced they had agreed upon, and the dentist said no. Worse, my dad endured extra drilling and pain because of this man’s oversight, or mistake, and now this dentist wanted to charge him more on top of that!

As my dad looked closer, it said “Fee waived”.

Clearly, this dentist thought my dad was an easy take, or at least he had thought that before my dad spoke up. I suspect when the dentist left the room, he went to check out Wikipedia, and then went and corrected his outrageous billing tactics. He should have pulled it, but instead came into the room when my dad was paying his bill, and said I am not charging you for cementing the crown. Instead, I will write off as a loss!

What nonsense. Did he think my dad would think he was honorable? He is an absolute crook!

He not only was dishonest with my dad the first time when his work was rejected by the lab –now he wanted to over-charge my dad on top of it!

This only makes me wonder how often he gets away with this. He is quite arrogant in the face of questionable practices.

When my dad looked at the remaining bill he was prepared to pay, the dentist had reduced the total due by 10%. I guess that was his way of conceding there were valid complaints.

He never provided my dad any explanations, and Wikipedia nearly five days later still shows the cost of a gold crown is on average 20% less than a porcelain crown. He never got that removed. I wonder why?

When money changes hands, I can’t say it enough–be careful. An honest professional should always be willing to explain things if they don’t make sense to you. That’s part of their job as a professional.

The Dentist and The Beautician

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My father went to a new dentist that was recommended by two people to get a crown. My family and I have been on a quest to find a good and honest dentist for months and months now. We finally had our hopes up that this time, maybe, we got one!

On the first two visits to the dentist, my dad seem pleased. His tooth was prepared for the crown, and all was going well.

Then yesterday, my dad went to get the new crown cemented in. He was happy to have the procedure behind him. But within the hour after leaving, he called my mom and I who were visiting during his absence. He called to say the dentist has changed his mind, and had decided he wanted to put a gold crown in instead of a porcelain crown because gold would be more durable, if my dad agreed.

Read moreMy mom was immediately on alert that something was fishy, and asked if the price was going to go up. My dad assured her it wouldn’t. The dentist said the price would be the same.

One would assume that my dad would be getting a better deal then, would you? Gold is a premium product.

Well, after my mom hung up, her wheels were spinning. She looked at me, and said something is up! There is some dirty business going on here. He was supposed to get his crown put on today, and now they are changing his order. What’s up with that? This doesn’t make sense.

Did they forget to order his crown?

Are they going to raise the price on him, and not tell him? What is going on??

My mom was visibly annoyed. This dentist wasn’t being honest, and she knew it.

We sat there, and talked about it–wondering what my dad was going to tell us when he came home. We waited for my dad to return quickly since they were changing the order, but he didn’t. Instead, he returned two hours later, so we were really curious!

When my dad walked through the door, and talked, we could tell his mouth was numb by the slurring of his speech. The dentist re-drilled around his tooth again. Obviously, there were issues, but did his dentist tell him this? My mom and I asked.

“No, he just changed the plan,” said my dad. “The dentist told me my bite is hard [which the dentist knew weeks ago], and so he decided I should have a gold crown instead.”

My mom said, “This dentist isn’t being honest, and I don’t know why, but I don’t like him!! I don’t like what he is doing!”

Mom my was going to think it through until it all made sense. You could see her wheels spinning. My dad, however, just wants to trust people, so he was getting visibly annoyed at my mom. He didn’t want to hear the truth. My mom and I are not easy to live with. We often see problems where others see none.

I immediately got on the web, and searched for gold crowns versus porcelain. Guess what I found? Gold crowns, while they are more solid than porcelain, are on average 20% cheaper!!! But this dentist didn’t offer my dad any discounts in the price he was to pay. Hell no. Instead, he told my dad that he changed his mind due to my dad’s hard bite which made no sense after the crown was supposedly already ordered!!

No dentist would change the order after it was supposed to already be delivered because he would be out money to switch the order after the fact, and hence he would transfer that cost to my dad, and he wasn’t. So that was the big red flag.

What my mom and I suspect happened is that this dentist messed up the work he did the first time, and when he sent the impression to the lab for the crown to be made, the lab rejected it.

But instead of telling my dad honestly that they needed to make a few more corrections, he decided to lie to my dad and tell him a made up story. And he made my dad endure more drilling and more pain. The nerve of this guy!!

Had my mom and I been in that chair, tensions would have risen because we would have questioned his inconsistencies on the spot! His version of events, if true, that he simply changed his mind, wouldn’t have required more drilling. We would have stopped him on the spot, and said wait a minute! We probably would have found an egotistical man, and walked out.

A simple statement of “We need to make a few more corrections” wouldn’t likely have alerted anyone to a problem, and he could have saved his reputation. Instead, he got cheap and wanted my dad to foot the bill for his mistake and in the end shot himself in the foot! Not very bright, if you ask me. We certainly aren’t going back to this guy. He just lost an entire family of business!!

Rewind 18 Hours

My husband went to get a haircut. He came home, and after dinner when he turned around, I noticed the shavers had buzzed off a big section of hair in the center of his hairline! You couldn’t miss it.

I said, “Turn around. What happened here?” My husband looked left, and looked right and said “What?? What’s wrong?” very aware that he couldn’t see the offending problem.

My husband ran and got a mirror, and stood before another one, twisting and turning until he saw what I saw.

Clearly, the guy cutting his hair got distracted, or slipped, and took of a lot more hair in the middle of his hairline then on the sides. My husband’s hairline looked like this __^^^__. You couldn’t miss it. While the middle wasn’t gone, it was thinned out more than 50%, and a big visible eye sore.

My poor husband was mortified, but quickly shucked it off as there was nothing he could do. My mom joked on the phone he should tell everyone it is the new French Doo as she laughed. My husband didn’t find it funny at all, and went back to the shop.

The owner is the one who cut his hair, and the owner’s wife was at the desk when he came in. She offered to fix the problem upon review, but my husband knew the fix would be to shave his hair another inch up his neckline. He declined telling her that would look awful. Then she said she’d talk to her husband about a refund. She went to the back, behind closed doors, returned, and said he was on the phone, but they would give my husband a refund. The guy who cut his hair never came out, and acknowledge it, and my husband has been a loyal, returning customer.

I’m sorry, but after you do this to a customer, I can’t imagine too many phone calls that should take a priority. Was this man just giving my husband an excuse so he didn’t have to face him?

If you make a mistake, fess up for Pete’s sake. We are all human, and we all make mistakes, and that’s okay!! Had he apologized to my husband when he did it, my husband might not have been happy, but he would have understood. Or better, he could have come out when my husband was back at the salon complaining, and acknowledged it, and apologized, but he didn’t. That’s just poor business ethics. I have no idea now where this guy will draw the line.

All this beautician had to do was come out, look at the problem and say, “Oh my. That’s awful. I’m terribly sorry.” He didn’t have to go into anymore detail. But instead of doing that, he ignored it, and frankly lost another family of customers!

Both of these professional men in the twenty four hours leave a bitter taste in my mouth, and feelings of distrust. These men were both willing to deny the truth, and skirt around the issue rather than face it which tarnishes their character, if you ask me. While they only made a mistake, which is completely excusable and forgivable, their unwillingness to face the music, and try to properly rectify the situation only complicates matters, and makes their situation even worse.

No one expects an elaborate defense for a simple mistake. Mistakes happen. We all do them. A simply apology goes a long way.

Is it really worth to deny a mistake? I personally don’t think so. I’d much prefer to offer a genuine, heart-felt and sincere apology, and if you can’t accept it, that is no longer my problem anymore, is it? I did the absolute best I could, and I can live with it.

Karissa Boudreau

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Karissa Boudreau was a 12-year-old girl from Nova Scotia who disappeared after her mother says they got into an argument in the parking lot of a grocery store at 5:30 pm on January 27.

Penny Boudreua, Karissa’s mother, says she went into the grocery store for 15 minutes, and when she came back, Karissa, who had never run away before, was gone. Three hours later, Penny reported her daughter missing after conducting her own search.

Two weeks later, Karissa’s body was found on the bank of a nearby river, and now a homicide investigation is under way.

Karissa’s mother, Penny, made two emotional pleas for her daughter. Here is one of them.

What are your thoughts?