Copyright by mdanys

Every now and then it just feels good to sit down and have a real hard cry, doesn’t it?  Or maybe, if you are a guy reading this, perhaps for you it feels really good to just blow off some steam and release it by hitting a punching bag or screaming really loud?

Can you relate?

When you have a really bad day at work, do you keep it to yourself or do you share it with people?  It’s certainly not politically correct to go around the office complaining about your boss (nor would I recommend it), but do you vent your feelings to a confidant?    And when you do vent, do you feel it is a productive process, or do your complaints just yield the usually consolation of “Things will get better tomorrow.  Smile, you’ll be okay.”?  When you get the latter, it is often very frustrating, isn’t it?

Over the years, I have noticed a trend where we as a society are shunning emotional responses more and more. We seem to want to make everything better and send only the best wishes for a perfect world, when we live in anything but a perfect world.  Nothing makes me more insane than saying everything will be fine when it clearly is not.

Don’t confuse my message, I don’t support having an emotional tantrum. I am talking about having a natural release of emotions at an appropriate time.

Our emotions have many purposes and one of the most important is to motivate us to effect change!  But change will only come if we allow ourselves to feel the emotion before us and express it (when appropriate, of course).

When friends come to us in confidence, its important to promote that its okay to feel what you are feeling, to let it out and express it.   Expressing an emotion will allow us to own it, work through it and consider how we can change things.  Shunning our emotions will only cause us to feel more misunderstood and frustrated.

So the next time you have a friend who is angry, think twice about offering optimism and positivity in the general sense it is usually offered, which typically doesn’t promote change. Instead ask the person, what made you feel this way?  Is there anything you could have done differently?  Is there anything you can do differently in the future?  How can you use this experience to promote or effect change?

I think we’d do much better as a society looking at the source of our emotions and addressing how we feel rather than offering generic optimistic advice.  And while optimistic advise has a time and a purpose, I think we are far over using it.  I almost feel like we can’t handle people expressing emotions in a true and sincere and non-threatening way anymore. We just want them to go away and be happy.

Do you agree?