Tone-of-Voice and Voice Inflection Clues

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Another clue to deception that I have consciously honed into lately is tone-of-voice and voice inflection. Take, for instance, the word “Hello”.

When you answer the phone, and you don’t know who it is, you say “Hello?” as a question.

When you greet a neighbor, for instance, you would say it as a subtle statement or greeting. Hello.

Yet there are other times when you say the word when someone does something silly, or ridiculous, perhaps without thought. You might say in your mind, “What were you thinking??! And then verbalize: Helll-lo! It’s a much stronger statement in this scenario. The inflection of the voice here is most notably different compared to the other two uses.

Yet all three are distinctly different. Try saying them and listening to yourself as you say them:

Hello? Hello. Hello!

Who knew that one word has different voice inflections—which cause the tone of one’s voice to vary when spoken—all depending on the meaning intended. You can exaggerate all of these as well and they will vary, depending on the circumstance used. I suspect we know about this, but we haven’t given it much thought, although we should. There are interesting implications to tone-of-voice and voice inflection.

It is precisely these distinctions that can clue me into people who are deceptive. When someone isn’t confident about something they are saying, or they are making their story up as they speak, some people will attempt to make a statement, but they will say it, unintentionally, as a question, if only through inflection and tone of voice. It’s rather interesting. It’s subtle; unless you focus, you may not catch it. I think many people miss these clues.

The worst offenders in this situation will often hesitate in their thinking, and their hesitation causes them to reaffirm what they just said by saying directly afterward, “Yeah, that’s right”, even though no one asked them for affirmation. It’s quite fascinating and telling at the same time.

Well, that’s all. Just crazy knowledge from deep within my brain that I am now becoming hyper-sensitive to. Who knew?

Observe yourself: You might be surprised by what you learn!

What is Normal?

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I think one of the biggest questions people have when I review someone who is potentially lying is how do I determine what is “normal” behavior?

Let’s face it, people react differently to different scenarios. This is absolutely true.

When faced with the loss of a loved one, for example, some people will sob uncontrollably. Others will be stoic and in shock—perhaps unable to grasp their loss—and yet other people might reflect in the sadness of their loss by talking lovingly about memories. And some will likely retreat and not want to discuss it. Another might be mad, especially if the loss was due to an accident or a crime. And still others may take charge and get down to business to solve the problem—working feverishly to get to the root if crime or foul play was involved, all the while without showing a lot of emotions.

All responses are completely normal.

So then, how can you be sure that when someone laughs or grins that the behavior is inappropriate? They could just be nervous, couldn’t they?

If someone has the finger pointed at them and they are being looked at as a suspect, couldn’t they be completely distraught because of that, and unable to speak about anything else?

Well, it depends. The most important question is: Is his or her behavior consistent across the board?

When people are faced with a situation, it is important to look at the big picture and then correlate all the pieces together. You know the rules that govern completing a puzzle—well, they apply equally to figuring out the puzzles of life, too. Look at people’s behavior, words, and actions: They are pieces of the puzzle. Do they all add up to the same picture? Are they consistent?

Often, in life as in the game, you may be working on a section and think you have the right piece of the puzzle, only to find you don’t, and it needs to be abandoned for the time being. What do you do next? You search for the piece that makes sense.

Life, like a puzzle, is exactly the same.

For example, if someone laughs and appears nervous, they could absolutely be nervous, but are they acting that way consistently? Are they giving off other signs of being nervous? Or do they only appear nervous one moment, and not another? Nerves don’t dissipate that quickly.

If they only appear nervous for a moment, something is fishy—something doesn’t fit. You have the wrong piece of the puzzle in your hand; armed with that knowledge, you have to ask yourself what would fit? What behaviors would be consistent? What piece of the puzzle makes sense when you look at the big picture again?

With Bobby Cutts, he had people looking at him closely, and while they didn’t call him a suspect, they were treating him as one. He was distraught. It’s completely plausible that someone in his shoes would act this way. But if you were that distraught over being looked at as a suspect unfairly, what would you do? Wouldn’t you declare your innocence for everyone to see? Wouldn’t you tell the world how and why you feel violated if you were that distraught over it?

What is normal behavior in a situation where you are wrongly accused? There is really only one behavior, universal to all people: defense of the truth—or at least legal representation advising you, or speaking on your behalf. While defense of the truth may have different manifestations, we will see it in one form or another if we accuse an innocent person.

With Cutts, we didn’t see it. Instead, we saw him hinting about it, or beating around the bush — but not speaking directly about it. This is inconsistent behavior.

If I accuse you, right now, of stealing $500 dollars, and you didn’t do it, what would you do? You’d defend yourself in any way that you knew how because you would feel violated. You wouldn’t beat around the bush, and hint at your innocence, would you? Absolutely not.

So while normal varies from person to person, one thing is true about all people: When we behave a certain way—when we are honest, our behavior, our actions and our words are consistent across the board. When we lie, however, inconsistencies glare up to the surface, begging us to ask why.

Extrapolation

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One thing I love to do when I first meet someone is see if I can identify who they are by quick observations. You can tell a lot of information about someone by their appearance, how fast or slow they move, how fast or slow they talk, the words that are spoken, their facial expressions, their demeanor, responses and general behavior. Usually in about a minute or two, I can make some pretty accurate observations.

The other day I was out of town on business, and I had some time to kill so I went into Best Buy to look at pocket cameras. I had no intention of talking to anyone because I knew what I wanted, but I caught an employee’s eye on my fast approach to the cameras.

He was energetic and loudly boasted, “Can I help you? I see you are looking at cameras. I know a lot about cameras. Maybe I can help you? I don’t work on commission so if you don’t buy anything — that’s okay with me.”

I could clearly see in his eye, he found me attractive so that is why he approached me. But geeze, he was good. He said the right things to get through my thick skull so I would listen. I’m one tough customer– and he got through to me with the ‘right words’ which was impressive! He was good on his feet. So I decided what the heck, he’s not on commission — so what does it hurt to give him a listen. I told him which camera I was looking at– and he went into a great spiel.

This young man had a glisten in his eyes. He was full of life, and vigor. He was short in stature, yet had a strength about him. He was clean cut, and precise –and he knew his information.

I took one look at him and said under my breathe, “You’ve got it. You’ve got the natural sales talent so why are you working here for an hourly rate?? You are quick witted, smart and intelligent. You can sell anything! You have a natural gift to read people too, I suspect (he nodded yes). If you haven’t tried sales, GO — GO FIND A JOB IN SALES where you work on commission because you will sell and sell well!! You will be very successful at it.”

The young guy in his late twenties blushed at me, but opened right up. He told me that he had done sales and liked it a lot — but in the industry where he worked — he was forced to be dishonest and hated it. He said he had too big of a heart to take people. I believed him.

I threw out a handful of businesses that he should try — and told him to stand on his ethics — there are jobs and businesses where he can sell and sell honestly — and still make a great living. I could see his wheels spinning.

Then he told me he’d love it if I talk to his boss – and give my compliments of him being a good salesman. I was happy to do so.

We approached his boss, the manager, and we chatted. I told the manager this guy here was one exceptionally talented employee — and he should be proud to have him. The young guy beamed. He told his manager I have an ability to read people really well.

Looking at the manager, I got a sense he was a nice guy to have for a boss, he was a straight-shooter who worked to keep his employees happy. He wasn’t hard to work for, difficult or a pain-in-the-butt. This was the type of manager most people hope to work for — so I decided to see if I was right.

“I do read people pretty well,” I said. “So, let’s see how I do with you,” As I glanced at the manager I said, “You hit me as a good boss, someone who is a straight-shooter and pretty easy to work for.”

Laughter broke out between the two guys before me.

“Yep, he’s a straight shooter” said the employee with the natural sales ability.

“He’s the kind of boss you want, isn’t he? He is easy going, and works with you. He’s a generally nice guy. He’s not difficult or hard to work with, is he?”

“No,” said the natural saleman. “He is a good boss.”

I looked at the manager and he replied, “I am a straight-shooter. What can I say?”

The two were laughing yet their eyes were wide open as they listened to me. You could feel their amazement at my strategic guesswork.

I then went on about the employee with the natural sales ability (the salesman) and I said I suspect he could be a prankster. He hits me as the type to hide what you might be looking for — as a joke. Yes?

They both looked at me and said no, he isn’t like that. He’s pretty serious. He’s not a jokester.

So, I missed one. I’m not perfect by any means, but I can hone in quickly on personality types 🙂

I love doing this — and better yet — people love it too — when you talk about them. It’s a great conversation starter. But what is hard is when someone asks me to read someone who is not-so-nice, not full of happiness and joy — and I see a more sinister, untrustworthy side. I refuse to talk about that! That’s where I get short on words and don’t know what to say!!! It has created a few awkward moments for me. I struggle to find something nice and accurate to say! Thankfully that doesn’t happen often.

How do you know that?

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It was a tiny little cottage on the edge of the lake that was rented over the summer for years before they finally bought it. It was run down, old, and really only salvageable, people thought, if it were torn down and bought as a lot only. Few people put value in the remnants of the weekend-only cottage. It was the land on a lake that attracted people, or so the locals thought.

The roof was in horrific shape. The house was up on stilts because there had been high water years ago. The paint was long ago faded and peeling. The stairs leading to and from the house were unsafe, and it appeared to be a one-room place to shield yourself from the sun, and little else.

“I met my new neighbors next door,” my friend told me. They are nice. They have five kids and it appears they have lots of money,” she told me.

The “new neighbors” had been frequenting their new cottage for several months now, but because they came and went so quickly, no one had met them yet. Much to our surprise, they didn’t knock down the old weathered room on stilts. They hired a contractor to give her new vigor and glory.

“Jackie is upset with the contractor,” she told me. “I guess he was supposed to put in cathedral ceilings, but couldn’t, so without her permission, he put in standard ceilings instead, and she is not happy. The contractor is supposedly going to replace the roof, and paint the siding, too.”

Something struck me about putting in cathedral ceilings into a building that looked like it wouldn’t be standing for long.

My friend was happy to at least see the old place get a new face, but she perplexed me when she said the new neighbors appeared to have lots of money. You could see insecurity take her over. It was an odd twist, because my friend was the one who lived next door in a lovely brand new four-bedroom house that towered with great presence over this shackled cottage.

What gave her the impression that these people had money, I wondered. If anyone were to be insecure, I would have expected it to be the new neighbors: putting money into a money pit that likely wouldn’t yield an appropriate financial return.

“They told me they have three houses — that this is their third one,” she started. “They told me they are going to knock this place down in a year or so and build their dream home –and they are going to put up the garage this fall. Furthermore, you know, they live in that expensive town back home — and he tells me he owns a business.”

There before me was my friend who was doing well by most peoples’ standards, yet when this person bragged that he was better off than she was, at least in a financial state, it took the wind out of my friend’s sails. It saddened me, because I could feel my friend’s heart and soul drain, as if she worked so hard to get ahead, yet still couldn’t compete — even after she bought her first beautiful home on a lake. You could feel her wonder why she didn’t own three houses, let alone a summer house. How could he get so lucky! What was she doing wrong? The thoughts streamed across her face in expressions that were very telling.

Yet when I took a closer look, I didn’t believe one word out of these new neighbors’ mouths. Okay, I did believe one: I believed they did own a business. That was logical, but nothing else seemed to be.

I watched the man walk on his property when I visited my friend. He was rather big, and had an arrogance about him. He walked around with attitude and presence. You could feel he wanted to be seen, heard and known. He wanted attention and didn’t mind getting it anyway he could. People like this often are insecure and tend to brag. When people have money, most of the time, they are quite content and feel little need to brag. They know they have it, so why brag about it?

The wife was meek, bone-thin and looked as if she walked out of 1970. Her hair flowed down to her knees, and you had to wonder if it had ever been cut. And their children ran wild around the neighborhood with incredible excitement as if they owned the place. Our neighborhood became their campground.

It didn’t take me but an instant to figure out these people were insecure, and their big effort to convince my friend they were well-to-do was likely untrue. When I told her I didn’t believe them, she looked at me with incredible disbelief. She was sure I was just saying this to soothe her soul.

When I told her I suspected they were no wealthier than she was and that they likely didn’t live in the mansion like the one she had created for them in her mind, she had serious doubts about what I was telling her. I assured her a new house wasn’t going up anytime soon, because if it were, they wouldn’t be throwing away money in this old shack. They wouldn’t be dreaming of this cottage as a haven with cathedral ceilings.

Something about putting cathedral ceilings in a shack really hit me hard. It was the flag that alluded to the fact this was a “dream cottage” and those cathedral ceilings were going to bring the dream alive. Because after all, there are people who have loads of money, who live simply, and are happy. But those cathedral ceilings turned the dice the other way.

I explained to my friend that if you own three houses, first and foremost, you don’t waste your money by putting it into a knock-down cottage that likely won’t hold the resale value for the money you are putting into it. You build a new one, even if it is modest. If you have money, you don’t put your eggs in a basket with holes in it.

Furthermore, I told her you don’t sit on the shore of a lake with five kids, and all pile into a rowboat that came well-worn with the cottage. If you have money, you buy a boat or a pontoon, immediately, even if it is used. You don’t have to buy a big boat or a new boat, but a boat with a motor is pretty essential for most people on the lake, even if it is used. Why are they going without? Especially if they are well off.

It was what they said, their demeanor, their character and their behavior that all came together for me. They came across as a family who did likely own a business, who struggled all of their lives, lived in less than stellar neighborhoods, but managed to make a few extra bucks in a hard-earned business and decided to buy a summer cottage. That was logical.

I also explained that while they may in fact live in this well-to-do town at home, it doesn’t mean they lived in the part of the city where the money is, where the big mansions are. I asked my friend if she knew the town, because I suspected these people lived in the east side of town, the side that bordered a low-income area, where housing was cheap and crime was higher, where a house for $100,000 was not uncommon. I even suggested to my friend to check it out–to see where they lived full-time–hoping it would alleviate her unfounded beliefs, but to no avail. My friend continued on in her misery of self-doubt, and feelings of low self-worth.

And then one day, months later, she finally did it: She got frustrated enough that she looked up where they lived full-time, and got the shock of her summer. She called me in total disbelief. “You are right, they live in an apartment on the low-income side of town! I can’t believe you knew that!”

“How do you know this stuff!” she questioned me.

“I don’t know. I just do,” I replied. “Everything they said to me just painted a clear picture, and it wasn’t the picture they wanted me to see. It was vastly different.”

I do not believe the measure of man can ever be determined by the size of his wallet, but sadly, both my friend and this man believed it to be so. I believe man should be judged by his kind heart, his compassion and caring soul. What surrounds that is unimportant. Had neither neighbor cared about prestige and wealth, their relationship may have been very different. They may not have started their relationship with such disparaging views. In the end, while outward appearances showed huge differences, they were much more alike than different, but neither knew it.

Now, more than five years later, the family of seven still comes to the lake and stays in their tiny, little, summer-only cottage, which hasn’t changed much since the day the contractor finished re-roofing and painting the place. The new dream home never materialized, though a garage did come to be, as did a boat, and a very old and loud jet ski. I suspect it is the result of a hard-earned business, slowly yielding the fruits of their labor.

Intentions

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One of my readers has brought up a very good point: Do I read people intentionally? Do I set out to go to a party, with the intent to read people, and spot lies?

It’s an interesting question, because that is what most people probably do when they try to read someone else, they do it intentionally. I would guess, when the average person wonders if someone is lying, they tune into their observations, focus and watch with intent.

But I do not focus or watch with intent–90% of the time.

It just when you see a smile, I happen to see the falseness behind that smile. Or when you see someone saying they are doing well, I’ll see a flash of a pain that tells me otherwise. I can’t stop it, or turn it off. It’s as visible, to me, like the light of day.

When someone is telling you a story, and you are casually listening, so am I, but unlike most people, a red flag will pop out at me that the choice of words that person is using is odd, and out-of-place. It will feel strange to me. I can’t stop or change it. It’s who I am. It’s how I perceive the world.

For me, I am just as casual and relaxed as you are when I converse or watch people. I’m not prepared for, or expecting, a lie. It’s just that I see these hidden flashes of emotions, get these pangs that something isn’t jiving, or see these little red flags that something isn’t right. They usually pop up out of the blue. The information often blind-sides me most of the time. I’m not expecting it. I don’t focus to see it. It’s just there, before me, like a smile or a frown, so obvious to anyone watching.

Now granted, there are times when a casual conversation or encounter will pop up read flags in my mind, and I DO take note of them and consciously tune in. If I find value in the red flag, find I am personally involved, or someone I love is involved, then I may very well tune myself into high gear to really observe that person on a deeper level, but that is rare for me. Most of the time in my personal life, I don’t care too much about it. The lies are not important. I spot them, realize their source, instantaneously, and move on.

Ironically, I never set out to see lies. Rather, for me, I always set out to see the truth, and by the truth, I mean I set out to truly understand people. I always want to get to know the “real person” behind the exterior of society. Who are you, really?

I crave the truth, ironically: Not lies.

Another reason I know it is not a conscious choice for me to see lies is because in order to spot lies, you have to be highly attuned to other people’s emotions. I am highly attuned by my genetic make-up, to the point that I pick up on so much PAIN, at times, in the world around me, it’s almost unbearable. If I could turn it off, god knows there would be weeks and months where I would do it! I’ll write more about this in a coming post.