Parroting

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You know what parroting a sentence is, right? It’s when someone repeats back to you exactly what they’ve just heard.

People usually do it for three well-known reasons: (a) because they didn’t hear you right the first time, and they want to be sure they heard you correctly. And when someone doesn’t hear something, they usually indicate that fact before repeating the comment or question in order to get the attention of the other person to ensure they hear it correctly the second time. Or (b) they consciously decided to use this technique in a personal relationship to improve listening and communication skills (but this is relationship-specific). Or (c) they don’t believe what you are saying to be true. They doubt you, question the stated facts, etc., so they parrot back what you said in the form of a question.

Most people are familiar with these reasons.

But few people realize that people also parrot things back when they don’t want to hear the response they got, or because they want to deny the truth.

It’s quite fascinating.

For example, if you question a robbery suspect and say to him: Did you break into the hardware store the other night? Aren’t these your gloves? Oftentimes a liar will parrot back to the investigator: “Did I break into the hardware store the other night? Are those my gloves?” At which time, the suspect may sit and think. The thinking is clearly visible to anyone.

The robbery suspect precisely repeats the question so that he has time to think through his answer. The robber isn’t consciously stalling for time—he just doesn’t know what to say, and so he naturally just repeats the question. Also, the suspect never asks for clarification due to lack of hearing.

More often than not, the parroting individual will look confused, act like he doesn’t understand the question as he repeats it, and will stammer for words when trying to come up with an answer. He may even repeat the question multiple times. After all, the suspect is confused. He didn’t anticipate this question, and he has no idea what to say! In this example, it is a hint that someone could be deceptive.

Why is that? The truth comes naturally and flows—fiction takes time to create. And unless the question is complex, there is no excuse for confusion or a lack of understanding when parroting back a simple question like “Are these your gloves?” An honest answer doesn’t require much thought, unless of course the question is complex.

You may also encounter people who parrot when they don’t like the answer you gave them. Parroting doesn’t have to involve a lie. It could be simple displeasure to your response.

For example, if a friend asks you if you want to go out, and you say, “Sure, I’d love to,” and as soon as you do, your friend parrots back, “You’d love to go out?” The key here is they have to put the question back at you, still in a question format. If they do, it’s an indication that they really don’t like your response, and perhaps didn’t really want to hear the answer to your question. It’s either that—or they are flat-out surprised that you want to go out. The content and response will indicate which it is. If they make a strong parrot back in the form of a statement instead of a question, that would indicate potential excitement that they are thrilled to go out! It’s rather tricky, isn’t it? In this scenario, the parroted response can have three meanings!

So, next time someone parrots information back at you, look at it closely: Did they not hear you? Or are they hiding something, not really liking what they’ve just heard, disbelieving you, surprised by your action…or, could they be fibbing?

Liar’s Eyes

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Approximately once a week, I review my web log (Statcounter.com) to see who is stopping by (IP numbers only), what they are reading, where they come from, and what searches are bringing people to my blog.

I think that every week since the first week I started looking, I’ve seen people searching about liar’s eyes. This week Google brought me people searching for:

can the eyes lie
eyes that lie
lie detection eyes
eyes and lies
how we can detect a liar from his eyes?
lie eye look to right

I’ve even been asked by readers if someone can simply have “lying eyes”, as in “I just don’t trust Jon’s eyes.” (in general). To skip to the point, the answer is no—someone cannot have lying eyes. That actually makes my skin crawl.

Imagine being born with eyes that people distrust. You’d be very unfortunate. It’s not like you can change your eyes.

The next question then, naturally, is whether you can tell if someone is lying simply by their eyes alone?

In short, it is not likely.

Eyes are expressive, and they express mood. However, when someone shifts their eyes, it could be for a variety of reasons other than deception, including, but not limited to, a sign of distraction, boredom, preoccupation, nervousness, insecurity, fear, and amazingly, when they are recollecting something! Yes, when people recollect things, they look out into nowhere!

I’ve even read studies that say that liars are more apt to stare at your eyes when they lie than to look away. This completely concurs with what I’ve seen, statistically speaking. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that when someone stares at you when they tell you something, they are lying. It’s simply not that straightforward.

I, myself, would never call out a liar on eyes alone. I couldn’t do it in all fairness. I might notice shifting eyes or someone giving me a direct stare, but all that would do is prompt me observe the person a little closer. If nothing else alerted me as odd or unusual, I’d forget about it.

I’d forget about it!

Eyes can show excitement by a dilated pupil, and if this excitement is inconsistent with what the person is saying, that’s a red flag. In this situation, I’d ask myself: What could this person be excited about? I’d search for other potential causes that I might have missed. If I didn’t see anything, then I’d ask myself: What could they be excited about that perhaps they are trying to conceal? Last, I’d look to see if my answers fit my hypothesis. Sometimes they do, but sometimes they don’t. That’s about all you can glean from eyes.

Please, please, please—if you are judging someone by their eyes alone—stop!! You’d be much better off listening to what the person is saying. If the person’s behavior or story is out of character for them, ask yourself why? What would cause this person to react this way? Think of all the potential reasons for the behavior change—not just the one you think it is. Think through everything. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

If they are doing something, and you suspect it, check it out further for yourself before you accuse. Get the facts. It’s the facts when misrepresented that will lead the average person to a lie quicker than anything else!

Word Nuances

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It’s amazing how word order in speech (and even in writing), word groupings, word choices and voice influctuations can affect the meaning of what we say. It’s not uncommon for me to use this information to determine information about someone. It is precisely what can point me in the direction that perhaps someone is lying. While sometimes I can see the lie directly, other times it is the word order than provides me with a hint to look further. Word order that is not normal or accurate is one clue that can hint at deception.

Take for example John Karr and what he is saying. He says, “I killed JonBenet Ramsey. I love her.”

He loves her, yet if he killed her, wouldn’t he say, “I loved her.” Past tense? You see when people lie, they don’t always cover their tracks 100% because they don’t think through every detail. They don’t come naturally.

Last night, I heard someone say, “He keeps his yard up. He isn’t the pig.”

What can you glean from that statement? Anything?

You can’t spot a lie in the second statement, but you can read into. You can pretty much surmise that whoever said that believes that while this guy isn’t the pig, SOMEONE ELSE IS. Someone else is the pig. Perhaps that would also suggest that this person is picky, neat, precise… clues to put in your cap which may point out inconsistencies down the road. If this man later told me that he is a slob and order doesn’t matter — I’d know better.

Little word nuances: They can have big impact.

How I Specifically Detect Lies…

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At first, I thought that my decision-making process and determination of a who was lying was all subconscious, because I called a liar within seconds to minutes. But after looking back and forcing myself to think out loud for over a year now, I’ve realized that there are processes that I use to detect a liar that I can consciously recollect. The processes are not set in stone like A, B, C, but rather they are random and only drawn upon when needed.

Regardless, I still process a lot of information within seconds, and I have no explanation for how I do it. I suspect it is due to my innate ability.

Most of the time, it takes me less than three minutes to determine if someone is lying when they are asked direct questions. Sometimes I can spot a liar in 20-30 seconds. However, there are times when it can take up to 10 minutes or longer.

The reason for the delay in making a call is that some liars don’t lie right away, or worse, they are psychopaths. Psychopaths are the trickiest of people to read, because they are without emotion and without remorse. When someone doesn’t feel remorse, nor display any emotions, I lose 50% of my clues. Furthermore, if a psychopath is highly intelligent, he won’t mess up his facts, which makes it almost impossible for anyone to catch his falsehoods. It is the psychopaths who are highly intelligent who most often get away with the worst crimes.

According to Dr. Maureen O’Sullivan, who studies lie detection wizards, “There are two categories of clues to a lie: thinking clues and emotional ones.” (Source: “Wizards” can spot the signs of a liar, AP, Oct. 14, 2004, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6249749/?GT1=5472).

To further elaborate on that, specific examples of emotional clues are facial expressions, body language and spoken words. In essence, is the person reacting normally to the circumstances? Are they truly happy? Are they truly upset? Are their facial expressions consistent with what they are saying? Are they shrugging their shoulders like they don’t know when they are actually saying yes? Is their body language consistent with their words? Do their words match their emotions? Are their actions matching their projected emotion? Are their responses appropriate for how they are feeling? Do they convey how someone should feel in their situation?

While this process may sound simple, I believe it is rather complex, because to determine a liar, you must be able to answer these questions quickly, almost without thought. For most people, it is hard to spot such inconsistencies—even given the time—but for me, this process happens instantaneously. It’s almost, if not, innate.

The second set of clues are thinking clues. Thinking clues are what liars give off when they are making up the truth or trying to tell you a story they “made up” in their head. More specific examples of thinking clues are hesitations in speech, stuttering, stammering for words, weird word order, or speaking incoherently by incorrectly choosing the wrong words or not completing sentences. Other times, liars will speed up or slow down their speech. Or a liar will confuse the facts, so when added all together, the facts won’t add up. However, one or two clues alone are not enough to call a liar; it is the compilation of all the clues—emotional and thinking—that paints the broader picture of a lie.

Microexpressions are emotional clues that deserve a subtopic of its own. Microexpressions are flashes of emotions that come across the face of an individual who is lying. If someone is trying to conceal a strong emotion, it often leaks out in 1/25th of a second. This is known as a microexpression. Over ninety percent of people don’t see these (more).

Furthermore, according to Dr. Ekman, a facial expression expert from the University of California at San Francisco, you can’t mask your true feelings. When you are happy, you smile one way. When you are mad but pretending to be happy, the muscles you use to genuinely smile are not used and other ones are. Hence, when you wonder if you saw a fake smile, you probably did! In essence, you as a human do not have the power to activate your true happiness (smile) muscles unless you are truly happy. Wizards—scientifically proven human lie detectors—hone in on these falsehoods in expressions, according to Dr. O’Sullivan.

To me, Scott Peterson is famous, because I believe he was one of the first few microexpressionists I noted consciously. He tried to act sad and worried, yet he couldn’t help but flash microexpressions of glee. His expressions of glee only lasted for a fraction of a second, and most people didn’t even see them. Watch Scott Peterson’s famous Barbara Walters interview: Perhaps you will be one of the few who can spot them.

I also find I use a personality catalog in my head or personality-matching technique when trying to spot a liar. I don’t use it every time, and I don’t know specifically why I use this technique—I just do. This technique involves matching personalities of people I’ve known in the past to people I am observing now.

For example, if I notice that you have traits of someone else I’ve known in the past, my mind will immediately match you up with that person. The person’s face I have known in the past will just pop into my head without thought, and I will then consciously compare behaviors. If you are similar, you should act similarly. It’s amazingly powerful, though I must state I believe there are hundreds of different personality types. I’ve come to call this paralleling. Paralleling is something I don’t do by choice, people just pop into my head from memory without thought.

People, while very different in many ways, typically have a set of standard reactions which are normal for their personality type. So, armed with that knowledge, knowing someone well, I can predict their behavior pretty accurately. This technique of personality matching gives me red flags immediately if things aren’t adding up for this individual’s personality type, and I quickly hone in to a deeper level of observation. I’d say I use this technique about 10–30% of the time.

I also look at personalities in general. Certain personalities are more likely to lie than others. If you come across as a braggart or an arrogant individual, I will quickly watch you for inconsistencies. If you are not able to laugh at yourself and you are defensive, I will look for cover-ups. If you are happy and yet willing to admit your downfalls, I will be less likely to spot anything.

It all comes down to the question: How down-to-earth are you? The more down-to-earth you are, the more likely you are to be honest. This technique allows me to hone in on the dishonesty much more quickly.

So far, to date, these are the skills or techniques that I use within seconds to minutes to quickly spot a liar.

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Call for links, stories, articles where lie detection is needed. Do you know a story where you wonder what the truth is? If so, ask me. All that I need is a video clip with a headshot of the suspect talking, for preferably a few minutes.

Traits of a Liar

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So many people have conjectured over the years that there are certain traits of a liar. Some say that liars avert their gaze, so whenever people look away, don’t trust them. Others say that liars scratch their face more frequently than those who tell the truth, so beware. The list of traits that people say will help you detect a lie is rather long, and I say these “clues” are hogwash—even dangerous. While most liars give off clues, the clues are not this simple.

Sure, some liars may scratch their heads more frequently, but so may an honest person. If you apply this “rule” across the board, you will, I guarantee, be convicting a lot of honest people, too.

The clues liars give off that they are lying are as diverse as the lies they tell. For every trait you identify a liar doing, I can find an honest person doing, too.

Many times, honest people avert their gaze frequently, scratch their head over and over, won’t give you eye contact, and may even appear nervous! Next time you are telling the truth and you are being grilled because someone doesn’t believe you, tune into your own behavior. What do you do?? You are probably “acting guilty” by do the exact things supposed liars do.

I’ve watched myself over the years, and I am amazed at how guilty I act, and I can’t even stop it whenever I am being questioned, and yet I am telling the dead-honest truth.

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“The traits of a liar are as diverse as the lies they tell.”
-Eyes for Lies
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Let’s face it, even when we are grilled and telling the truth, most of us flinch, because we are not being believed. Not being believed when we know we are telling the truth does a number to our mind, body and soul, and we react: we show behaviors that are often confused with someone who is lying.

In all my watchfulness, I have only found two traits so far that liars do more often than honest people (though honest people do them, too, from time-to-time: salivate for no apparent reason when telling a story that isn’t true—which causes them to swallow frequently in a very short period of time (perhaps nerves?), and speak in a fake high pitched voice when trying to act very scared, afraid or shocked.

Most often, in 9-1-1 recorded phone calls, in which the caller has killed someone or knows that situation they are representing is not true, they will speak in a very high-pitched voice. I don’t even think they are aware they are doing it. This behavioral trait that is seen less often in honest people.

So the next time you are watching someone tell you something, and you think they are lying because they are looking away, they aren’t giving you eye contact, don’t right away assume they are lying. Remember, the traits of a liar are as diverse as the lies they tell, and it takes many elements to identify a liar, not just a few simple behaviors that otherwise honest people can exhibit, too.

*Updated 2-19-2009 for accuracy