Predators Among Us

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I think Joran Van der Sloot really brought to the forefront of our minds that predators live among us. When we go about every day life, its easy to forget this, but after a tragedy like the one that Natalee Holloway endured, and watching Joran Van der Sloot confess with such an iron-heart, and cold spirit, it brings the vulnerabilities up-close and personal.

After Joran’s confession, many people asked me how do we protect the young girls, and women in our society? How do we reduce the chances they will fall victim to someone like Joran?

People were troubled, and without answers on how to protect themselves, and while I am not an expert on this, I do think there are several things we can do to help ourselves reduce our risks.

Read moreWe are all given two great gifts in life, the gifts of intuition and instinct. It is just too few of us harness it’s power. We, as a society, I believe are so disconnected from ourselves today, that we rarely listen to what our intuitions, and instincts say to us.

While I haven’t had the opportunity to read the book yet, I have seen Gavin de Becker talk about his book The Gift of Fear, and I did read an excerpt. I think it is fabulous. Give this book to those you love, and read it yourself. I think that is a great starting point. Encourage people to start listening to their gut instincts, and intuition more. It’s a fabulous tool we all harness within ourselves.

The second thing that I think is important is to pick a news show, or two that you find valuable and trustworthy, and watch it to keep apprised of current events on a local, and national level. This is especially true if you have school-aged children. Set up a time, and watch the news together so you can discuss stories you see with them. While I wouldn’t alert them to any particular story, I would simply answer any questions that raise their curiosity naturally. Let them discover life at their own speed. Simply provide them with information, and guidance as needed.

The reason I believe news is important is because it brings up crimes, and stories which are true, that have happened, and will help your children realize the threats that exist in society. It also keeps you up to date on the newest scams, schemes and criminal activity in your neck of the woods so you don’t fall victim yourself.

Of course, as a parent, it’s our job to inform our children that the risks are remote, and not be to afraid, but that it is important to be cautious, not to trust strangers, go with people you don’t know, or even stay with those you do if they make you feel uncomfortable.

There is something very powerful about watching true stories, and seeing real victims speak about crimes. It has a lasting, powerful effect, and I can say it impacted my childhood positively.

When a man pulled up in a car with fliers about modeling when I was a young teenager, my friend ran right to the car to grab one. I yelled at her to move away, that she didn’t know this man as I had heard of this scam before. I still wonder if my vocal action, alertness and tense body stance scared off a would-be attacker. He knew if he did anything, I’d have his description and license plate in an instant.

Next, one of the biggest sayings of society that I absolutely detest is that saying that says “Respect your elders.” While I am sure it was well intended, it has some devastating consequences. Children are lead to believe that they need to respect all elders no mater what. Those they know, and those they don’t know. This is very scary. Not all elders deserve respect. Period. Clearly, the man passing out fliers from his car didn’t deserve respect, did he?

My mother gave me the freedom as a young child to judge who did, and who did not deserved my respect in my world, and I believe this advice, and her confidence in me, actually saved me from several situations that could have turned devastating. If I didn’t have the confidence to disrespect elders, and stand my ground, I can think of several predators now looking back at my childhood who would have taken advantage of me. But because I was given the gift to think for myself, to judge people with my own instincts, I escaped while others I knew weren’t so lucky.

I can’t say it enough. We need to give our children the freedom to trust their own judgments, and to make their own decisions when they are out in the world without us. If someone makes them feel uncomfortable, they should feel confident that it is okay to sternly, and even rudely say no, and to seek help from others. It’s okay to walk out of somewhere they are supposed to be if they feel unsafe.

And last, we all need to work on accepting that is okay to not always be nice to people. Predators play on the fact we’ve all been raised to be polite to people, and to be gracious when help is offered. Most adults have a hard time saying no to stranger when they are uncomfortable. It’s a difficult thing to do, but one that could ultimately cost someone their life.

We all need to practice saying no, standing up when we feel violated, uncomfortable or threatened. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable. Embrace it as your best warning that you need to act and act now.

Dating or Married to a Liar?

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So many people come to my website because they type in the word liar, and are looking for help because they suspect, or have discovered that someone is deceiving them.

If this is you, I recommend two websites to help you understand deception in relationships. The first I have mentioned before: Truth About Deception. The second one I would like to recommend is called LoveFraud.com. Both of these websites should be helpful for people who struggle with lying in a relationship.

Read moreLoveFraud.com is a website and a blog written by a woman, Donna Andersen, who is a freelance writer from New Jersey. She married a sociopath, and has now dedicated a fair amount of her time to write and maintain this website (and subsequent blog) about sociopaths.

Andersen explains sociopaths in depth, and furthermore, she shares with us her own personal experience with a sociopath, but that is just the tip of the iceberg for this website. Andersen provides great links, research and other personal stories and encounters from other victims of sociopaths. She even has a psychiatrist on her blog who is available for questions, and who writes posts.

Do you think you’ve ever met a sociopath (or psychopath)?

I’ve asked this question to many people, and I am amazed at the response I get. “No, and I don’t want to. ” The reality is we all have met psychopaths, but most likely didn’t know it.

Psychopaths aren’t people who are raged filled, and ready to murder the next person who walks into their trap. Instead, these people are usually exceptional manipulators who can smooth talk the best of us into weaving pieces of their intricate web of deception for them without us being any wiser.

If you haven’t checked out Donna Andersen’s website, I highly recommend it. It’s packed with very useful information, and if you are personally involved with someone who lies a lot, perhaps this information will be valuable for you. It could save you from a lot of heartache, and as Donna says, it could save your life.

Andersen also writes:

Dr. Hare (an international expert on sociopaths) estimates that 1% of the people in North America are born sociopaths. If the percentage holds true for the entire world, in a global population of 6.5 billion there are 65 million sociopaths. With so many around, everyone is bound to cross paths with them sooner or later.

I highly recommend clicking on her side bar topics like Risk Calculator, Quiz: Are you a Target, and How to Spot a Con.

It’s a fascinating read!

Intuition

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I am a firm believer in the power of intuition. I believe that if you learn to tap into it, you can get some amazing and powerful results that will guide you like nothing you’ve ever experienced before.

I honed in on my intuition years ago when I was still a teenager. My mom encouraged me by sharing with me her intuitive feelings when I told her what was going on in my life. She’d give me advice based on her intuition, and over time, her intuitive sense astounded me. She was always right. She told me how she implicitly trusted her intuition and that I should listen to mine.

And I must say after witnessing her successful track record first-hand, I decided to give it a try. When I got a message out-of-the-blue in my head that something wasn’t right, I listened to it. When I had fear but I got this gut feeling that I really shouldn’t be afraid, I worked hard to persevere, and it was life-changing for me.

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At first, I kept a mental score-card, because I didn’t always have the strength to listen to it, but after seeing it’s track record, I became confident to trust it.

In didn’t take long for me to realize that I had someone to turn to in those difficult moments that I learned I could depend on: me. And more amazingly, I became a much more confident person because I knew I could trust myself. It was a powerful win-win situation.

What I learned through listening to my intuition is that emotions—most specifically, desire and fear—are two big roadblocks to good intuitive results. I realized that if I desired something or feared something, what I often thought was intuitive was hope or fear, and had nothing to do with my intuition.

That’s not to say I was rendered helpless in these situations. Instead, I’d ask myself: Is this your fear (or desire) speaking? Or is this something more?

When the answer would come back was that yes, I was afraid, or I truly wanted this outcome, then I knew that was all it was. It was only my desire or fear speaking. But there were times that I would get an answer back that told me this is not fear, this is not desire—this is something more. It was a deep feeling within me. It was strong and powerful, where my emotions were often meek and afraid and full of doubt.

Sometimes when my emotions were in the mix, I realized I couldn’t come to a determination, so I had to walk away until my emotions subsided. But I would persevere and continue until I knew I was dealing with my intuition.

Just this last spring, I learned that fear or desire can also stop me (or you) from acting on intuition, which is equally important. I had never realized this before! This could save your life. I had a flight response at a dentist’s office, but the fear of having to put myself in that same position again caused me to dangerously override my intuition. If you want to hear the story, ask me and I’ll share it in another post. It was heart-throbbing!

Understanding Rapid Cognition

Have you read Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink? If not, you might want to. It’s a great book to get you to start thinking about what you don’t consciously think about. In it, Gladwell talks about rapid cognition. He gives the example of a near-miss car crash. You’ve probably experienced it before: Out of the blue, something happens, and you have a split-second to react, and if you don’t, you’ll die. Well, you don’t sit there and rationally think through everything. If you did, you’d die.

Instead, your mind and body responds, and then after you have survived, your conscious brain tunes into it all, and you suddenly realize the magnitude of it all. It isn’t until it is all over that you begin to shake and realize you could have just died. How does this happen?

Intuition Disconnect

For those of you who feel a disconnect with your intuitive sense, there are many websites out there that offer suggestions to help you connect to your intuition. Here are just a few:

Relationships: Learning to trust intuition

Trust your hunches: 5 steps to develop your intuition—Intuitive Advice

Test Your Intuition

And this last article was the most amazing!! When I finished the article, I realized that my intuition was spot-on, once again. Read this article; and simply by doing so, you will likely test your intuition. Go ahead—give it a try.

How did you do? Are you surprised?

Truly, there is mystery behind the science of our brains. How can that be?! I don’t know the answer, but I am certainly a believer in the power of what we don’t yet understand.