My Thoughts on the Admitted Liar

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In my last post, I shared a comment from someone who called themselves a pathological liar. I want to say that I have no exceptional skills here to identify if this person is legit or not by these few words alone. I can only look at the words they write, like everyone else, and see if they fit with people who I have known in the past who are chronic liars. When I do that, the words written do ring true and are believable for someone who is a chronic liar. I personally don’t think this comment by “Liar Liar” was a hoax.

Flame projected in eye of senior man, close-up

Read morePeople who lack a conscience seem to be aware they don’t feel guilt or remorse, and know they are missing this emotion. They know they are unique and different. Yet in a twisted reality, I think it is this conscious understanding of their difference that becomes their biggest tool. They seem to realize people who feel remorse, compassion and empathy are excellent targets to use in their quest to get anything their heart desires. If they can find the right people, they can target their wants and needs, and meet them twice as fast than honesty would ever allow.

I believe there are high-functioning super liars that live among us and dupe more people than we’d ever want to know. I have witnessed more than a handful in my lifetime and what makes a super liar is not only a lack of a conscience (empathy or sympathy), but a keen wit to keep facts straight and an exceptional understanding of human behavior. If one possess these three traits, they are quite dangerous, because they will lure and use most of the population without anyone being the wiser for many years, if not a lifetime. It’s flat out chilling to witness.

I have witnessed normal everyday, honest, trusting smart people fall into the spell of a chronic liar/manipulator more times than I care to admit, and more often than not, with highly-skilled liars, the victims are absolutely clueless. I have seen communities rally behind these people, because they buy the lies they are fed.

I have even tried to pry open the eyes of honest people in these circumstances only to get rejected by them, because the chronic liar long ago sniffed me out as a threat, and painted me as evil before I ever spoke up. Super liars are even challenging for me. Their game plans are well thought out and executed to prevent people like me from exposing them. They are usually one step ahead of everyone, most of the time.

You must remember, these cruel people know how to role play better than everyone else in society, and they will play the parts they need to in order to accomplish their goal. They will elaborate great schemes to get what they want, because in the end they don’t feel remorse. They actually get an emotional high that they outsmarted everyone and that no one is the wiser. This game of cat and mouse is what continues to drive them, and ultimately what creates their superior self-image of arrogance. It gives them great confidence, which is a natural tool to gain the trust of others. They find it fun to outwit, outplay, outlast and outsmart their opponents, and often up the ante over the years to chilling levels, because they get away with it for so long.

Think of Hitler. Think of other evil dictators who came to power. They didn’t come to power being evil. The evil only surfaced once they established a trusting base that they later could manipulate.

People who are capable of great evil are the ultimate chameleons of our society. They quickly judge, assess and pick their soldiers, charting them on mission where the true motivator is disguised in fancy fluff, so they can win their personal war and achieve their personal goal with precision, speed, accuracy and ease.

But what is interesting about these people, as “Liar Liar” wrote, is that they do feel pain. They feel their own pain and that pain will often cause them to lash out with evil intent. These people are usually very vindictive, even if they do it anonymously or in private. Their pain can often be their downfall, because it fuels their desire for revenge, and revenge without a conscience is what ultimately exposes their evil deeds to the average trusting person, but often it is too late, and the victim by this point has usually paid the ultimate price.

Are you a confident lie catcher?

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Here is an interesting fact I had heard several years ago that I thought was quite interesting. I never would have guessed this:

Studies investigating lie detectors’ confidence in their decision making typically reveal three findings. First, there is usually no significant relationship between confidence and accuracy (see DePaulo, Charlton, Cooper, Lindsay, & Muhlenbruck (1997) for a meta-analysis).

Second, confidence scores amongst professional lie catchers are typically high (Allwood & Granhag, 1999; DePaulo & Pfeifer, 1986; Strömwall, 2001; Vrij, 1993) and police officers are sometimes found to be more confident than lay people (Allwood & Granhag, 1999; DePaulo & Pfeifer, 1986) (source).

Do you think you are good at spotting lies?

“The Truth About Liars”

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There is a show that ran last month in Canada (maybe you Canadian readers saw it)? It’s called “The Truth About Liars”, and was on the CBC. It featured both Dr. Paul Ekman and Dr. Maureen O’Sullivan. The website lists the show as a full-length video, but when you click on it, it says it is unavailable. I suspect this is because I am a U.S. viewer. However, the preview is available, and I thought you would enjoy it.

The beginning voice-over is Dr. Maureen O’Sullivan. You then get to see her. She hasn’t been in many videos, but here she is! Interestingly enough, as the video closes, the voice-over is Dr. Paul Ekman. Enjoy!

It appears that the CBC took down this video today after I posted this. Perhaps they don’t want the U.S. audience to see it? Sorry for this. Here is a link about the show (where you will find the video links to the show and preview), and here is another link to a segment of the show with Dr. O’Sullivan talking about expert lie detectors (I suspect “wizards”). Does this play for you?

They Still Lie to Me

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You would think that when people find out I have a natural ability to spot deception that has been studied by science that they would work a little harder to fib to me, wouldn’t you?

Well the sad reality is, they don’t. They still lie to me and lie as frequently to me as they do anyone else.

It flat out amazes me.

Each time it happens.

I guess I’ll never get over it because, to me, lies are so damn obvious.

Most of the lies are harmless lies, but they are still annoying. I think what annoys me the most is that people think they are transparent when they do it, but they are not. Clearly as they lie, they’ve convinced themselves that I couldn’t possibly see the truth.

I wish it was acceptable for me to say “Hey wait a minute. That’s not the truth and here is how I know why!” But of course that would only serve to alienate me–plus it’s absolutely fruitless–I can tell you that from years of childhood experiences.

So today, when I hear a lie, I sit and ponder it as that ratty little fib falls down before me as an unwelcome gift upon my lap — presented for only me to enjoy. There is nothing more that I can do but put a fake smile on face and act like nothing is wrong when, in fact, I am usually bursting inside to call you on it!

“Liar, liar, pants on fire!”

Friday Fun: The “Q” Test

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Are you a good liar?

I ran across this interesting quirky test online yesterday and I thought you would enjoy it. It’s from the book Quirkology.

Are you a good liar? Most people think that they are, but in reality there are big differences in how well we can pull the wool over the eyes of others. There is a very simple test that can help determine your ability to lie. Using the first finger of your dominant hand, draw a capital letter Q on your forehead.

Now which side does your Q end on? Read more

Some people draw the letter Q in such a way that they themselves can read it. That is, they place the tail of the Q on the right-hand side of their forehead. Other people draw the letter in a way that can be read by someone facing them, with the tail of the Q on the left side of their forehead. This quick test provides a rough measure of a concept known as “self-monitoring”. High self-monitors tend to draw the letter Q in a way in which it could be seen by someone facing them. Low self-monitors tend to draw the letter Q in a way in which it could be read by themselves.

High self-monitors tend to be concerned with how other people see them. They are happy being the centre of attention, can easily adapt their behaviour to suit the situation in which they find themselves, and are skilled at manipulating the way in which others see them. As a result, they tend to be good at lying. In contrast, low self-monitors come across as being the “same person” in different situations. Their behaviour is guided more by their inner feelings and values, and they are less aware of their impact on those around them. They also tend to lie less in life, and so not be so skilled at deceit.

I ended up being a high self-monitor, but I really don’t care too much what people think about me, though I am extremely conscience of how I communicate with others. I am always putting myself into their shoes so I often look at how I might appear from the outside looking in, if that makes any sense. It’s important to me that people understand me as I want to be understood so I guess I would agree, I am a high-self monitor. Mind you, I have no idea how accurate or true this is, but its fun nonetheless.

I do have to wonder if where you place the “Q” end is related to if you are right or left-handed. Anyone draw the “Q” end on the opposite side you write with?

What are you? Feel free to share the rest of us!