Tone-of-Voice and Voice Inflection Clues

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Another clue to deception that I have consciously honed into lately is tone-of-voice and voice inflection. Take, for instance, the word “Hello”.

When you answer the phone, and you don’t know who it is, you say “Hello?” as a question.

When you greet a neighbor, for instance, you would say it as a subtle statement or greeting. Hello.

Yet there are other times when you say the word when someone does something silly, or ridiculous, perhaps without thought. You might say in your mind, “What were you thinking??! And then verbalize: Helll-lo! It’s a much stronger statement in this scenario. The inflection of the voice here is most notably different compared to the other two uses.

Yet all three are distinctly different. Try saying them and listening to yourself as you say them:

Hello? Hello. Hello!

Who knew that one word has different voice inflections—which cause the tone of one’s voice to vary when spoken—all depending on the meaning intended. You can exaggerate all of these as well and they will vary, depending on the circumstance used. I suspect we know about this, but we haven’t given it much thought, although we should. There are interesting implications to tone-of-voice and voice inflection.

It is precisely these distinctions that can clue me into people who are deceptive. When someone isn’t confident about something they are saying, or they are making their story up as they speak, some people will attempt to make a statement, but they will say it, unintentionally, as a question, if only through inflection and tone of voice. It’s rather interesting. It’s subtle; unless you focus, you may not catch it. I think many people miss these clues.

The worst offenders in this situation will often hesitate in their thinking, and their hesitation causes them to reaffirm what they just said by saying directly afterward, “Yeah, that’s right”, even though no one asked them for affirmation. It’s quite fascinating and telling at the same time.

Well, that’s all. Just crazy knowledge from deep within my brain that I am now becoming hyper-sensitive to. Who knew?

Observe yourself: You might be surprised by what you learn!

Confronting a liar

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Each week, a handful of users come to my blog because they are searching for answers to their relationship problems.

I often see search strings like this on my statistics page:

  • Should I confront a liar?
  • How do I spot a liar?
  • Is he/she lying to me?

So with that, I would like to direct people to a great website, Truth About Deception: An Honest Look at Deception, Love and Romance, which provides fabulous information for people struggling with issues in relationships.

I highly recommend this website.

Life & Mind of a Hitman

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Sunday night on A&E, I watched the Iceman Tapes: The Conversations with a Killer.

It was chilling.

Haunting.

Creepy enough to give you nightmares, to make you double-check your locks, to pull all your blinds, and to make you want to fear every man you’ve ever known!!

On the show, notorious mob hit man, Richard Kuklinski shares snippets of his mind with the audience. He answers frank questions calculatedly yet amazingly honest at times. Regardless, Kuklinski is a difficult person to read. Why? Because he is clearly a psychopath. He admits he had no guilt for all the horrific crimes he committed. He said he never thought about them nor was he ever haunted by them.

Richard Kuklinski was known to aerosolize cyanide, using a spray to kill his victims in less than a minute. He also told a story where he walked into a bar, acted drunk, spilled his drink on a guy — a drink laced with cyanide — walked away — and later heard he claimed another victim.

Kuklinski earned the title Ice Man because he froze one of his victims for two years and when he disposed of the victim, he didn’t take into account his victim needed to thaw before discovery to successfully pull off the crime. The medical examiner realized upon review that they body was still frozen — and that there was more to this murder than what met the eye.

It doesn’t take much to say that this man was deeply, deeply disturbed. He disturbed ME!

I had a realization during this show last night. I realized that psychopathic liars do feel emotions – – even though most of the time, they are neutral. I realized they only feel their own pain — and not the pain of others. When I see this, it hints at a bigger picture. It hints for me to look closer.

Psychopaths, who are capable of serious crimes, do not feel emotions for other people. While I knew that, I never connected consciously that the only emotions they feel are their own.

Murderers like Kuklinski, BTK, Scott Peterson, etc. see other people as objects and not human beings. They will treat you right — usually better than average (if you are a stranger or a friend, not the target of their obsession. They will pull out all the stops to make you believe in them, but behind their facade, you will not see any deep or true emotion.

Some psychopaths can fake emotions quite well–good enough to really make me second-guess myself. If that is the case, the only other way to uncover a psychopath like these guys is to look for inconsistencies in fact to back up your suspicions. That will be the biggest clue that something is amiss. When 1 + 1 = 4 time-and-time again — something is up. That can make for a tough investigation, though.

There are people who are safe around these crazy psychopaths. If the psychopath has deemed you IMPORTANT and SPECIAL, in the power of their world, and they don’t believe you are any threat to them emotionally or physically in any way — you will be safe. You will be lied to repeatedly, but you will be safe and unharmed. Case-in-point: The wives and children of both Kuklinksi and BTK. Both men, in a sick way, loved their family and never once imagined hurting any one of them.

The big question is just how do you know you are deemed important to a psychopath?? Of course, you can’t so you can never ever trust them! Laci Peterson and her son were a threat to Scott Peterson. Scott Peterson lost control with Laci I believe due to the expectant baby and felt his lifestyle was threatened and in the end treated her like an object and killed her.

The world of psychopaths is complex, bizarre and out right strange — if not utterly creepy.

Liars’ brains ‘are not the same’

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“A University of Southern California team studied 49 people and found those known to be pathological liars had up to 26% more white matter than others, ” the study says.

Check it out here.

How do I spot a liar?

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Do I look for typical characteristics such as changes in voice pitch or wandering eyes?

Actually, no—I don’t. From all the analyzing of people I’ve done, I’ve learned one thing: Those clues are not foolproof. While one person may shift his eyes when he lies, another person may shift his eyes when he is telling the truth.

Individuals do have specific traits when they lie, but you can’t identify those until you know someone well. When reading strangers, wandering eyes or a change in voice pitch may be a clue—but they are by no means conclusive proof of anything, so I disregard them. For me, these traits are afterthoughts once I’ve determined the truth.

While I started to read a little bit about detecting liars, I quit after a few short hours of research, for fear that reading what the experts say may actually cloud my abilities. Instead, I mostly rely on my intuition and my gut instincts.

When someone talks, I intently watch the person tell the story. I watch what they say and how they say it. I start to look for inconsistencies.

Does the person’s action match with what he is saying? Most of the time, a liar’s actions will not be consistent—whether it is a fraction-of-a-second smile when they are supposed to be sad or mad—to an instantaneous, fraction-of-a-second nod of the head yes—when they verbally say no. These clues are so quick that most people miss them, but they are so telling.

Be cautious: I’ve seen people misread a deep sigh as the shrugging of shoulders, a polite smile as a smirk, an innocent twitch of the head as a shake no when someone actually said yes! Reading body language is not as simplistic as it appears…

Other times, people do and say things that no one would do in those circumstances. Their behavior is very abnormal, and while that isn’t enough to call a liar, added up with other clues, it paints a broader picture.

To be a good lie detector, however, there is more involved. You need to have a deep understanding of human nature. You must be able to identify the multiple human personalities and be able to hone in on them in seconds. We all fall into one categorization or another. Can you categorize people quickly? That’s what it takes. I know people really well, and that is how I often scare people into assuming that I am psychic, because I can categorize personalities in seconds.

I should really try to identify all the categories of human personalities I have in my head. I think it would take me a few years, as I have an enormous pool identified in my head. I have no idea how many there are, but I do rely heavily on them in my mind’s eye when trying to determine if someone is lying. What I do is take the traits they give off by what they wear, how they look, how they respond, and then I combine that with their actions. Then I take the picture painted in my head, and I match the person I am analyzing (I think it is mostly subconscious) to real people I have known well in the past. By doing this, I have a good sounding board for what actions are normal for this personality type, and I can immediately make some pretty accurate assumptions. (No, I don’t rely on personality profiles done by psychologists).

I have to take whatever a person tells me, but usually they tell me enough. While I am listening to what the person says, I am also analyzing their exterior. Much of this happens subconsciously for me these days. I determine a multitude of things such as: Is the person well-dressed or sloppy? Are they fast-paced? Or, is he a sloth? What is he wearing? Is this person a neat freak? Do they have on expensive clothes? What does their speech tell me? Is it consistent with their appearance? Do they value money? Are they bragging? Are they laid-back, perhaps lazy?

I take whatever they give me, and start calculating. I crunch the data for more inconsistencies—pretty much deep within my brain, because I don’t do it consciously.

And I calculate as they speak, and I revise the equation as needed until I have a concrete answer. It comes quickly, innately, pretty much without thought, although at times, I do some thinking here and there. I think that is my magic dispelled.

Did you find this helpful, or did I make your skin crawl?

P.S. I have an odd brain, I know. Did I ever mention that I have a photographic memory for numbers only? One day, I wrote down over 100 phone numbers in my head that I couldn’t purge. Twenty years later, I still know all my grade school friends’ phone numbers by heart. When I dial a phone number, it takes me weeks to months to forget it, and sometimes I never forget it! I know my social security number, my husband’s social security number and a credit card I use frequently, too. I even know old credit card numbers that are no longer active. Go figure.