Improving Your Detection Skills

/in , , , , /by

In the past week, several people have mentioned to me that they come to my blog with the hopes of improving their deception detection skills. And while I would love to write that is the reason why I write this blog, it’s not.

I don’t doubt that you will pick up a clue or two that hints at deception, but I don’t believe it will improve your overall accuracy at spotting a lie to any great degree. There are so many nuances that go into determining if someone is deceptive that vary case-by-case, it isn’t as easy as applying one clue or another across the board to become a skilled detector. If you do, it will trip you up one too many times and be costly for you. Guaranteed (see this post). I strongly discourage it.

If deception detection were about knowing and understanding the clues, most people would be masters of it, but studies show us this is not the case.

Read moreBelieve it or not, but before I wrote this blog and tried to understand what I do naturally, I know if you asked me to list all the clues I used to spot deception, I would have struggled to tell you one or two. I say that in all honesty. I truly don’t believe I could have identified them to save my soul. In fact, it has taken me four years to verbalize the clues that I see when I spot deception.

But I can tell you that I was good at understanding other people. I was good at understanding human behavior down to the little ticks we make when we are about to speak, but don’t. I understood the signs of hesitation, the facial expression one makes when he is thinking, pondering and wondering. I could spot a dreamer out of a crowd, and identify the hidden signs someone was truly depressed despite their verbal message.

Understanding human behavior is where my strongest talent is, even today. Deception detection is just a sub-skill of that.

All my life, I loved to ask people “What are you thinking?”, “How are you feeling?”, “Why do you feel that way?” to the point I drove my friends when I was younger INSANE. I always wanted to know the who, what, why, where, and when [sometimes the how]. I just had to know. I was beyond curious! Even when we made up after an argument, I had to understand why they felt and acted the way they did, even if they were right. Of course, being a child in this quest for knowledge made it easier to be so nosy.

On the first day at my new job as a “professional” after graduating from university, the woman who was assigned to show me the ropes stopped me in the middle of my introduction to some equipment and said, “What is this 20 questions?” in a very exasperated tone.

Mind you, the 20 questions were not about the equipment before us, the company or my job, they were about her, personally.

Yes, that’s right, no one was exempt from my desire to be understood. There was never a predicament that I found myself in where I didn’t seek to understand the other side. I wanted to walk in their shoes, if only for a second. I wanted to understand them, to the core.

So if you want to improve your deception detection skills, start by studying and getting to know the truly intricate behavior of honest people. Watch their behaviors. Watch them talk, move, interact, react and behave in a variety of situations. Get to know people like the hairs on the back of your hand and study how they react in every situation.

I can tell you it takes time. Lots of time, but persistence should yield some results–if you are truly interested and dedicated.

Then test yourself. Watch someone and see if you understand what each minute gesture they make means. Don’t just guess–ask them “Were you just thinking this? I’m curious.” See how often you are accurate.

Work until your accuracy is stellar.

Talk to people when you don’t understand them, and ask them what they are thinking and why they are thinking what they are. Open up dialog. Ask questions until you do understand.

Learn about other people — familiar and foreign. Learn to understand the nuance of normal human behavior in every situation you can because once you can do that, deception detection will become a whole lot easier. It will become like second nature.

So there you have it. Do know that I never did set out on a quest to do this. It was my nature, how I was born, how I took in and approached the world. But this, I think, is one of the more powerful ways that you can improve your ability to understand others, and improve your potential to spot a lie.

Why do I write this blog? Do you still wonder? I thought people would enjoy seeing how someone with my ability thinks, how I come to my conclusions and how I see the world. I also write it because it is healing for me to share my thoughts with strangers, as people one-on-one often get uncomfortable when I share my inner thoughts. And last, I’d like to show that truth wizards really do exist and that we do have talent. By writing my thoughts before a live audience, I hope to build a record of what is possible with regards to deception detection.

They Still Lie to Me

/in , , , /by

You would think that when people find out I have a natural ability to spot deception that has been studied by science that they would work a little harder to fib to me, wouldn’t you?

Well the sad reality is, they don’t. They still lie to me and lie as frequently to me as they do anyone else.

It flat out amazes me.

Each time it happens.

I guess I’ll never get over it because, to me, lies are so damn obvious.

Most of the lies are harmless lies, but they are still annoying. I think what annoys me the most is that people think they are transparent when they do it, but they are not. Clearly as they lie, they’ve convinced themselves that I couldn’t possibly see the truth.

I wish it was acceptable for me to say “Hey wait a minute. That’s not the truth and here is how I know why!” But of course that would only serve to alienate me–plus it’s absolutely fruitless–I can tell you that from years of childhood experiences.

So today, when I hear a lie, I sit and ponder it as that ratty little fib falls down before me as an unwelcome gift upon my lap — presented for only me to enjoy. There is nothing more that I can do but put a fake smile on face and act like nothing is wrong when, in fact, I am usually bursting inside to call you on it!

“Liar, liar, pants on fire!”

Office Emails Full of Lies?

/in , /by

New research suggests that we are much more willing to lie when we type rather than when we write things out with a pen. Who knew?

Do computers make us feel more removed than ever before? Do they make us feel protected like we have a shield in front of us? What do you think?

Read the Article Here

Suze Orman says…

/in , /by

Suze Orman was on Oprah this week and she said…

“We have built an entire economy on lies and deceit, and whenever you build something on something that isn’t true, when it cracks a little, it’s like building a home, or an entire building, on a sinkhole.

You have a foundation, supposedly, but a little crack if something goes wrong, (like) a little earthquake or a tremor, and it starts to open, everything goes falling down, and Oprah that is exactly what happened in the United States of America.”

Well said, Suze! We need to support legislation that changes this so this can’t happen again.

Casey and Caylee Anthony

/in /by

A reader has asked for my opinion on Casey Anthony. This is a strange and haunting story coming out of Orlando. Apparently, from what I read in the news, a 2-year-old little girl, Caylee, has been missing for five weeks, but her mother, Casey, never reported her missing.

The police have questioned Casey, but all they get are lies on top of more lies. Friends describe Casey as a “habitual” and “compulsive” liar (Fox News).

Casey is telling police that she left her daughter with a babysitter five weeks ago, and when she went to pick up her daughter, the babysitter and her daughter were gone, yet in a strange twist, she told no one. Instead, she continued on in life as if nothing was wrong. She lied to her family and friends until they became suspicious.

Read moreWhen police went to investigate the apartment where the babysitter supposedly was, they found a unit that has been vacant for months. Nothing is adding up.

Casey’s mother tried to track down the babysitter, and found her, but when the police asked her if she recognized photos of Casey and Caylee, and she said she did not.

I have been unable to find any video of Casey talking to police.

Police, however, are saying “It should be noted that at no time during any of the…interviews did the defendant show any obvious emotion as to the loss of her child.”

Clearly, anyone can see something is terrible amiss with this mother. Logically, one plus one doesn’t equal two. A mother who cares about her daughter would be concerned, would report her missing, and would tell the truth. But this is not happening with Casey.

Either Casey doesn’t care, or she is seriously ill, and suffers from a mental illness. Neither of which can be ruled out.

I don’t think I have anything noteworthy to contribute to this case at this time, but if anyone sees any video of Casey or anyone else important to this investigation talk, I’d be more than happy to share what I see. If I can help, I will gladly do so.

I did see some video footage of Casey online from Nancy Grace, and in that video Casey is gloating as the cameras pan on her as she is being led by police from one location to another (starting at time marker :05). Her eyes are glowing with excitement. She is clearly enjoying being in the spotlight, and being deceptive about her daughter.

Can we assume Casey killed her daughter? No, we can’t. A number of things could have happened to her daughter–many of which are horrible to think about, but Casey definitely knows the truth and she isn’t sharing it, and that doesn’t bode well for Caylee.

New Source