Ride Sharing Dangers with Steve Kardian

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If you take any ride service, this video is for you! It’s a must watch if you care about your safety.

Steve Kardian, who has been in law enforcement for over 30 years, and whom I know personally, is a trusted and awesome source for safety information.  I trust Steve’s advice on safety and security issues one thousand percent.  What Steve says, I do!

Actually, the reason I got to know Steve is because I sought him out for concerns over my safety and what Steve said was spot-on. That was almost a decade ago now.  Steve helped me understand my concerns and he gave me the confidence to make good decisions. He is well thought out, highly experienced and knows predator behavior inside and out.   He has written a book and also teaches Instructor Certification classes.  I highly recommend both.

What Steve Kardian shares with the Dr. Oz show is vital for people who use any ride services. It could save your life one day.

Last year, I experienced my first Uber ride with a group.  I had no fears with a group, but I did have an innate fear of taking an Uber alone as a woman and wouldn’t do it.

On my second Uber trip, accompanied by a professional I was working with, we got a ride that reinforced why I won’t take these ride services again any time soon.

The person I was working with at the time hired an Uber X car–their least expensive service. About 10 minutes later, our car arrived and when I saw it, I was taken back.  We got picked up on the North side of Chicago by a brightly-colored brand new Cadillac.   It was a $50K plus priced car, without question.

When I saw the car pull up, I was like what?!?  My jaw dropped.

I physically paused for a minute.  My subconscious mind started pinging me immediately, “This is not right.”

What do you do at that moment?  Say stop? I couldn’t even articulate why in that instantaneous second. It took me a minute to figure out why it felt off and during that time, my companion was entering the car.

The person I was with, very trusting and kind and from another country, kindly put my baggage into the trunk, and jumped right into the front seat and put his stuff below his feet.

I intrepidly got into the back passenger side wondering who the driver was.  As I got in, I could tell the driver was in high alert mode. He was a huge, burly man who probably weighted 220 plus and he was monitoring everything my companion was doing.  He showed signs of distress at what my fellow companions was doing in the front seat and with things under his legs on the floor.  My companion didn’t notice.

The driver in a very tense, and deep commanding voice said, “Why did you put your stuff down on the floor? Put it in back.”  It was clearly bothering the driver.

Red flag #2.

I immediately offered to take the stuff put on the front floor to the back seat.  That eased the driver. I could see his tension back down a bit, and I took a deep breath!

As I looked around this luxurious interior, the pieces were coming together:  Huge scary driver, big fancy Cadillac, unease in the front seat…

The picture was clear.

This was likely a drug vehicle being used to hide criminal business. And the driver was no small flea in the chain! And he didn’t like strangers in his front seat with things under the seat that he doesn’t know what they are. I mean if you are in the drug business, there are hits–especially in Chicago.  He had to be on guard!

Guy in front seat with unknown goods?  Not acceptable.

The driver wasn’t from the immediate area. I could tell by his speech.

The driver was NOT friendly and didn’t engage with us.  I kept envisioning us pissing him off and being shot dead, and dumped on the side of the highway.

Yeah, that is extreme, but probably for good reason!  Don’t be so quick to discount scary thoughts–they may be a huge warning signal for you to watch YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR.

I believe my subconscious mind and my gut were telling me this guy is dangerous!! Alert, alert, alert!!  Pay attention! I intuitively and innately KNEW if we in any way upset this driver, we were not going to be a good situation. I also knew if I kept my head about me and just relaxed, the odds were in our favor everything would be fine.  Just keep this man happy was the goal. If he wanted to listen to loud music, it was good for me. He did have on an annoying station.

I quietly sat in the back thinking I would just stay silent on the ride.  But my friend started talking and sharing details about what we had done and were doing — innocent idle chat. It came out that we had worked with law enforcement on a project.  I was not liking that. It could be good, BUT it also could be bad. Many criminals do not think highly of law enforcement and if they think you are involved with them (they don’t know at what level), you are automatically a bad guy.

I did not want to be this man’s bad guy. Ever!!!

As we got going,  I typed in our destination address–which I always do in any hired ride I take. I watched the turn-by-turn moves on my GPS (this is a must do).  I wanted to make sure this guy didn’t veer off on any path that didn’t make sense. In taxi’s you do this to catch block turners ringing up your meter! Had he veered off path, I would have been on him in seconds.  I would have immediately made calls and alerted people of my situation as Steve suggests!  Thankfully, he didn’t and we arrived at our destination without worry.

I also noticed how this driver drove impeccably, too. I mean perfectly on speed, politely–as if not to tip anyone off. Our last driver, no, he didn’t do that. He was more the average driver in his behaviors. Do you notice this stuff?

What did I do the next day?

I read all about how ride share services have been involved in the drug and criminal enterprise. Innocent people have been killed, and raped.  Imagine being in the crossfire. It happens when you are in a target’s vehicle. Gulp.

That ended those services for me. At least for now.

I hope they clean up their acts.  As Steve says in his book, always have a blueprint for what you will do in emergencies. It will save your life!

Next time, I will happily take a taxi. My odds aren’t 100%, I know, but they are better.

Stay safe!

Daily Thought: What divides us?

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This is a deeply thought-provoking video on why echo chambers breed loneliness.

That’s a mouthful, bear with me.

Dr. Brene Brown studies vulnerability, and she has some fascinating things to say. If you haven’t heard of her, she’s worth exploring.

I will share some of her videos with my thoughts in the coming weeks because my interest in human behavior and deception crossover with her studies of vulnerability and connection.

With our deeply divided nation right now, people are struggling more than ever to discern the truth, right?

I know many of you are craving better ways to determine truth from lies in your own life, because those in power are doing everything they can to confuse the public to keep their agendas on target decrying “fake news” and denying reality when it suits them.  The truth has lost its power, and corruption rules.   I’ve seen it on both sides of the isle, sadly.

In this video, Dr. Brown hits the nail on the head on precisely how to do this–how to spot the truth without a good lie detector. She does so indirectly, but she does it beautifully!

Dr. Brown gives you the best tool for this, and I can tell you it will guide you with clarity.

Most people believe if you aren’t on my side, you are my enemy, right?

And what do we when we think about them as “the enemy”?

We dehumanize them.

Brown’s message is so poignant and on target.

Dehumanizing them is literally breaking down society’s safety net as we know it.  Having compassion that we are all in this together, that we are all human, is what protects us as a civilized society. Denying any part of our society as less than human is literally breaking down the fabric of truth.

We are setting the stage for much more horrific atrocities, if this continues. We are at huge crossroad if we allow this to progress. History demonstrates this.

As a society, this is a cancer and we have to stop this.

What can YOU do to stop this incredibly dangerous tear in our fabric?

There are several things. First, it means taking a look at yourself.  In our fears and discomfort (which we are all feeling), we are prone to want to paint those who disagree with us as less than human.  It makes us feel SAFE! Right?

It’s your job to work at being aware of when you do this as we all will at times (be truthful to yourself).  When you do catch yourself, look at the other “people”, and instead of focusing on your differences, focus on your commonality–what do you have in common?

I can find many people who have different beliefs than me who share so much in common.

It’s okay to disagree with people, to have different values, it’s healthy for you, but look at the people as they are:  human, and try to find their beauty. We all bring something special to the table, if you look.

Second, when anyone in public (in your world or on TV), whether they are a politician or just a plain old person, speaks out with any dehumanizing behavior — NOTICE!  STOP!  PAY ATTENTION. And DO NOT support it!  Make your feelings known this is not acceptable behavior!

Dehumanizing people is your BIGGEST WARNING SIGN that the person doing so is dangerous. They are an absolute threat to democracy as you know it and the life you love.

For this behavior is your biggest litmus test to determine truth and lies.

A person who is willing to dehumanize another will NEVER acknowledge the truth–they are incapable of it on any level, and in that state of mind they are flat out dangerous!   This is precisely the stuff of world wars and genocides.

There are zero excuses for any human to dehumanize another — and that is your ethical measure to say stop the lies!!

I give you permission to say enough is enough!!!

I will not support or tolerate anyone who does that.  EVER.

It is unity, not division, that will heal our nation, and our world, and the only way we can do that is to see our enemy not as a threat, but as another human being where we need to build connection. For it is our disconnect that will ultimately bring us down as a society and as a people.

Nicole Eggert’s Accusation of Scott Baio

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Nicole Eggert came out on twitter to accuse Scott Biao of sexually molesting her back in 1986, and has now spoken out on the Today Show with Megyn Kelly.

Scott Biao also released a video on Facebook LIVE prior to this stating his side of the story.

Who do you believe?

When I watch Nicole Eggert, I am getting conflicting information from the story she is telling on the Today Show and it’s giving me pause.

What Eggert says in the interview is that Baio, as her boss during the time he was molesting her, told her by her account, “…you can’t tell anyone, this is illegal, I will go to jail…”

I cannot imagine a molester telling his young innocent victim, hey I’m doing something illegal to you. That blares at me like a beacon in the night as untrue.  If they were boyfriend and girlfriend, he may very well have said something like I could get in trouble for dating you. That would be feasible, but her story, as she is saying it flags me.

Also in the 1980s, there was no public culture of people speaking out about how it was illegal when someone touches you inappropriately. During that time, sexual molestation was hushed and rarely talked about from my memory. I do remember guys being afraid to date younger girls though and calling them “jail bait” (what do you remember?).

Later during the interview, Eggert says when asked by Kelly if she thought he was like a boyfriend, Eggert doesn’t answer the question.

She says, “There was a bit of…this person loves me, and I trust this person and he cares about me and I am safe.”  She then says it wasn’t until she “got a little bit older than she realized this was not love”.

Would you trust someone who is telling you they are doing something illegal to you and not to tell anyone?  It is possible a few people would, but the odds are statistically low percentage wise.  Her friends even gave her hesitation when she told them, right?

She then goes on to say is, “But what my truth is….is that I wasn’t ready to tell my story.”

My truth?  What about THE TRUTH?

If you notice when Kelly asks her if she was 18 when the show finished shooting, she doesn’t answer the question again.

Then Eggert says, “I always lied about it because I didn’t want anybody to know.”

Her responses are concerning for me.

I don’t find Eggert reliable in this interview, but it doesn’t mean I discredit her story in its entirety. I would have to talk to her more.  There is a possibility there are some grains of truth to it, but what those are at this point are speculation. Was she simply molested, and not raped as she claims?  Or is there another story?

My eyebrows are definitely raised. I am going to watch Scott Baio next.

What do you think?

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Does Donald Trump know he is a racist?

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Donald Trump denies he is a racist is the video above when asked about it after his “#hithole” comments last week.

Trump replies when questioned by reporters, “No, I am not a racist.”

Are you scratching your head?

How can he say that after what he said last week?  Does he believe people are that dumb or can he, himself, not see it?

Well, the answer is both.   He does believe people are beneath him and can’t see what he sees, but he also doesn’t see who he is.

When you look at someone who has very ugly traits or behaviors, be it habitual lying, narcissism, psychopathy, racism, bigotry, etc,  they will not see themselves as “that” person.  “That person” is a bad person and no one sees themselves as bad. “Bad” is always someone else.  No one ever owns “bad”.

This is why negative behaviors and traits like this continue on and on.  The person with the slanted way of seeing the world has no idea they see the world slanted.  If you talk to them, they will come up with 100 justifications as to why they are not that person and why in the end, you are wrong and they are right.

I am often asked in my classes, does a psychopath know they are a psychopath?

The answer is no.

Do they know they are different?

Most of the time, yes, but they attribute it to many reasons that are positive and not negative.  They are smarter, wiser, more in control, aren’t emotional, etc.

No one sees themselves as bad.  Take a look at yourself. We all have “bad” traits. Do you own yours??

Most likely not.   When is the last time you lied and said “my bad”.  Probably never.  You justified why you should do it, didn’t you? Or you wouldn’t have done it.

The healthier you are mentally, the more you are aware of your shortcomings and can openly talk about them and discuss them.  The more you are unable to face them, talk about them and own them, the more you lean towards displaying dark behaviors in a state of denial.

Where do you fall on that scale?

Can you even look at yourself?

Happy Monday!

Michael Wolff and Fire and Fury: Credible?

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Prior to the release of Michael Wolff’s book ‘Fire and Fury’, I had never heard of the man.  Naturally with the book, I was curious as to who he is so I set out to look.

Watching Wolff speak, I see a flamboyantly styled man by his looks alone, yet in his recent interviews, I saw subdued. That’s a contradiction to me. I immediately question: subdued by purpose or by cause? Because he is not a subdued type.  I ponder:  Was he arrogant in the past and cut down?  Or does he need credibility so he is playing it cool?  Those are the questions running through my mind as I watch him speak in the video below.

If Wolff and I met in a lobby of a hotel and chatted, I wouldn’t put my guard down with him as I can with some people. There would be a watchful eye at all times. There is something about him that raises my eyebrows. I settle on his flamboyant style as what pings me.  His personality fits a profile of a person that loves to get attention, attract people’s interest and tell things with a flare.  Do you see it? It fits with what he is doing as well (behaviorally).

When I watch Wolff in the interview, I believe Wolff believes what he is telling us.  And he tells us directly–he witnessed lots of conflict, and through that conflict he made choices as to what the truth is. When he tells us everyone was lying, and that he had to discern the truth, he is truthful on that–but as an expert in human behavior and deception, at what level is he able to discern the truth accurately?  I question that.  Is he good at it or not?

So I have a flamboyant man who I am now relying on to determine what he thinks is truthful. That gives me pause. I would prefer someone who remains neutral and gives me both sides of the story and lets me decide. Do you agree?  Does he do that in his book? From the interview, he suggests he does not.

I have not read his book, so I cannot comment on the book. I can only comment on his statements.  And much of what I hear in the video above supports what I have seen so far myself from the reporting by people in the White House directly. It supports what I have seen from Trump, Bannon, Priebus, Conway, Spicer and others.   It’s no secret the White House is in chaos, that rational thinking doesn’t apply there (what rational WH would give recording access to anyone cart blanche)?

Which makes me ponder: Did they give him access?  Why would they? Ironically, I have not heard a denial on this front from the White House on the recording being illegal or not vetted or approved, so I am assuming they did or they would go after him since he is claiming he had tapes. Right?  Have you seen a story on this?  The absence of it will speak volumes. I will be watching.

So the overall messages from Wolff does not ping me as fundamentally false in this interview, but I would not trust things verbatim.

And oddly, in reading more about him, I see quotes that he writes in the introduction of his book  that accounts from the book “are in conflict with one another” and may be “badly untrue,” according to thehill.com.

That screeches me to a halt.

I am not comfortable with his words that things may be “badly untrue”.  If he is reporting what people said–what they said would never be untrue, even if the person told a lie.  They said it. That would be fact, right?  What they said, however, may not be fact but as a journalist, I am not responsible for their lies, so I would never write that statement unless I may not be truthful.  That statement is a caveat flip-card to say I told you so, isn’t it?

That smells to me of an excuse.

 That doesn’t work for me.

CNBC is reporting that Wolff said in his Today Show interview, “I certainly said what was ever necessary to get the story.”  I didn’t watch the interview, so I am trusting CNBC and if that’s true:  Ouch.

Further CNBC is showing how Wolff slipped up on facts already that reporters are exposing (see link above).

I don’t like that sloppiness.

So for me, while I know the White House is a chaotic mess and I am sure a lot of stuff being reported is based in the truth, take it with a kernel of “maybe, maybe not.” I don’t need Wolff to tell me things are way out of whack in the White House. They are insane.  I’ve seen enough with my own eyes to know that much is true. The rest I will take with caution and remember, this is the story by a man who profits.