Amber Hilberling Commits Suicide

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Amber Hilberling, who was convicted of 2nd degree murder for pushing her husband out of their 25th floor apartment building in 2013, committed suicide in October. She was 25 years old. She was found hanging from a prison bed.

Amber continually claimed that she was innocent and didn’t intentionally harm her husband, though the two had a volatile relationship.

When Dateline played Amber’s recorded police recording just after her husband’s tragic death, her emotions and words betrayed the story she wanted us to believe.  It was actually horrifying to watch.

Amber tried to get media attention to get “free”. She went on the Dr. Phil show and was still actively writing media outlets. As a matter of fact, she wrote a letter and it was postmarked the day she committed suicide.

You can see the letter in a video here.

When psychopaths (I’m not saying she is or isn’t) feel trapped, they often do pull the plug.

I do not find her choice to take her life surprising.

Her parents, however, didn’t believe she was down and out–questioning if it was, indeed, a suicide.  They say the letter she last wrote showed she still had hope.

However, her former attorney says she warned the prison twice before she died that she was, in fact, suicidal.  In that same article, they list all of Amber’s misconduct in prison.  It’s quite interesting.

Do you wonder what made me doubt Amber’s story? There was one big whopper she let out among many other behaviors and actions that sealed her fate.  You can read my post here on Amber after seeing her story on Dateline NBC.

My Car Shopping Story

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ales_kartal / Pixabay

ales_kartal / Pixabay

So I had quite an interesting night this weekend going out to buy a new car. We’ve done months homework reading about car features, safety tests, recalls, service bulletins and complaints, and finally settled on a car we wanted.  We negotiated an incredible deal on a new 2016 Sonata with only 15 miles on it and we were going in to seal the deal at the dealership once and for all!

Before I signed on the dotted line, I had two questions for the dealer I wanted answers for.  I wanted to know if our car fell into the recent safety recall for the panoramic moon roof.  To check for myself, I wrote down the vehicles affected and brought it with me.  I needed the manufacture date. And second, I wanted to know why a car would sit on a lot almost a year.  Logic would tell you that they get several shipments in a year and that a vehicle was delivered in December of 2015-it was ignored for a long, long time. Why?

We had read if you get a great year-end-clearance deal to check the battery cables, pumps, paint, tires, and other items to make sure they didn’t show any signs of deterioration.  The car could have been parked outside for the entire time (most likely).

On the phone, I was only told that the invoice date of the car was December 28, 2015.  I asked them when it was manufactured and they said they didn’t know-they were looking.  When I got there, the sales guy still said he didn’t know and wasn’t sure he could find out. That was my first annoyance and a huge red flag.

I knew from previous visits that it was in the driver side car door, but I couldn’t find it at first. The salesmen acted as if he couldn’t either.  That was annoying!  Finally after looking several times, I found it where the door closed.  Low and behold, it was manufactured in October 2015.

Wow. 13 months ago!

I asked our salesman how come the car sat for so long and he said it just got shuffled around a lot.  I said to him that didn’t make sense because it only has 15 miles on it.   He the tried to soothe me with other answers that cars get brought out of storage and put back in, but that made no sense either. You don’t put your oldest car away.  You sell it first.

Next, knowing the manufacture date, we now knew the car was part of the panoramic moon roof recall.  I asked the salesman to check if this car was part of it.

He disappeared and came back saying the car was free–no recalls!

I was perplexed.

From what I read on the Internet, it was part of the recall.  I asked him how it wasn’t part of the recall and he said it just wasn’t–it was VIN specific.  But the news articles I read didn’t say that–so that was another red flag!

I then wondered if the car was manufactured at another plant because the recall only affected the Alabama plant.

I asked him how many plants there were, and he said four.  Just checking online as I write this, I see there is only ONE in the U.S. in Alabama, and four more in other countries! Another lie?

He assured me multiple times this car was not part of that recall.

I let that marinate in my mind because I felt unsettled.

We had the salesman drive the car into the service area under bright lights so we could inspect it thoroughly after our long test drive.  When we were going through everything, I saw on dealer sticker and there it was in big letters:  the car was manufactured in Alabama!  I looked at my husband and said I’m not feeling right about this.

He wasn’t either. We knew we were being lied to.

At this point, the salesman was running around checking on another vehicle for us. When we first walked in, he said they had two vehicles matching what I wanted –so he was looking for it.  In the meantime, I decided to get some facts.

The new 2017 cars were all lined up in the showroom.  There were four of them. I opened each driver side door and looked at the manufacture date of each one. All of the 2017s had manufacture dates of  September and even October 2016 –less than two months old.   So the FIRST LOT of cars being sold for 2017 were only manufactured 1-2 months ago. It was just proof positive again my car sat for a long time.

Now I was really curious why the car I was looking at sat so long! It should have sold long ago.

Wanting to figure things out, I decided to put the manager on the spot.  I walked into the managers office and I got lucky–two other salesman happened to be rummaging through his office for different things.  I said I’m curious if you could answer a few questions for me. Can you tell me why a car would sit on your lot for 13 months and not sell?

They all looked at me and the edgy, middle-aged guy about my age (he reminds me of Ty Pennington) pipes up and says, “Well we don’t even get cars on the lot for 6 months after they are made.  That’s not surprising at all.”

What??!?

I quickly retorted, “Well, that’s untrue.  Every 2017 on your showroom floor is 2 months old or less!!”   I let it be known say through that crap.

You should have seen how shit-faced they looked.  If only I had a camera.

They all looked at each and then the other sales guy said the car just got moved around and we missed it. We don’t track dates of manufacture.

I said, “But it only has 15 miles on it. It wasn’t moved much.”  They looked frustrated.

Then the manager said, you are getting a great deal because if we don’t sell the car, the manufacturer will take it back.

That was all B.S.  and I knew it!  Now I was mad.

Dealers pay a floor plan loan for each car on the lot and the quicker they sell it, the more money they make! They don’t sell it–they pay interest. No one wanted me to know this fact.

They couldn’t give me a legit answer to save their soul. People lie when they have something to hide.

What were they hiding??

I went and chatted with my husband. He felt things were off too.  I said out loud where the “Ty” guy could hear us, it’s clear they are lying to us.  He heard me.

I then said, “I think they know if things go wrong, I’m not the kind of person they want breathing down there back.  You watch, I get this sinking feeling they won’t even sell it to us tonight.  They’ve seen I’m not one to buy into their B.S. antics. I’m asking too many questions. I won’t go away if they screw with us.”

I was very vocal about saying things like, “Don’t tell me a warranty will cover me–I’ve seen how those work at dealers and its a big headache!  I’ve been through that game.  You and I know a lot of B.S. flies in dealerships.  It’s no secret as you know!”

The sales guy I was working with actually bowed his head and replied, “Yes”.  I was surprised he even admitted it (trying to build my trust?).

Anyway, the salesman kept running back and forth, and said he was checking on something else as we had left the car in the service area after our inspection (it passed) to sit down and think.  He runs back and forth several times.

Next thing he comes up to us, and says, “You won’t believe this, but there IS a recall on that car–but its not entered into our system yet. (Mind you, the recall was put into the news 30 days ago!!! So that was likely total B.S., too!)  So I can’t sell you that car.  I’m sorry I can’t. And I don’t know when we will be able to fix it.

Wow.

I knew it!

But I was glad because we changed our mind at this point. We were finished and ready to go.

They saw I was an educated consumer and whatever B.S. they were pulling on me–they didn’t want to deal with me when I figured it out! And I would figure it out eventually why I was getting all these lies.

Were they going to send me out the door without fixing the recall? Was that their game?

Reading further, I think they were trying to stick me with a vehicle that had a safety recall. They were going to denying it existed, and get it off the lot fast!  And that’s illegal. Check it out!

So this dealer lied:

1.  They didn’t know the manufacture date or where to find it
2.  They didn’t know where the car was manufactured
3.  That the car had a safety recall
4.  That cars arrive to the dealership 6 months after manufacture
5. Why the car sat on the lot for 13 months– I still don’t know (the color was silver by the way–not fuscia or anything). It was a Sonata Limited.
(Possibly #6 in telling me there were 4 manufacturing plants–he may have not known or was misleading me)

At that point, I lost all faith in this dealer.

Frankly, every interaction I have had with multiple Hyundai  dealers has been very unprofessional and disappointing, and yet their car is very safe (see Informedforlife.org).

The salesman asked me if I wanted to buy a 2017 and I said I’d think about it. He called today and left a message that he said was good news. I have not called back.

I’m frustrated!!!!  This is ridiculous.

Dangerous People: How to Identify Them

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maraisea / Pixabay

maraisea / Pixabay

One thing I’ve realized over the years is that people struggle to identify people who can cause them harm.  I mean everyone has negative traits, right?  So how do you know when someone posses a risk to you or could harm you?

Many people want to give people the benefit of the doubt when they display negative behavior, but is that really wise?

Sure, you can forgive someone for one outburst that is unacceptable if they had a bad day, but when you start forgiving them for negative trait after negative trait, that’s when you are getting into troubled territory.

So many times victims will tell you that they didn’t see trouble coming because there were no clues, but there are absolutely clues, it’s just people don’t know what to look for or they ignore them.

So today I want to share with you traits that people can have that should cause you concern and even alarm. If you know a person who exhibits any of the following traits, you really should take notice.  These traits are NEVER EVER GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR YOU.

If a person has two, three, four or more of these traits, you are likely dealing with a person who has a high probability to disregard you, use you, and even harm you emotionally, psychologically or physically. If they have many of these traits, you might not even want to engage with this person.  Why would you ever want to invest in a downward spiral like this?  Why take that risk?

Traits of Dangerous People

•  glib and superficial charm
•  grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self
•  need for stimulation
•  pathological lying
•  cunning and manipulative
•  lack of remorse or guilt
•  shallow affect (superficial emotional responsiveness)
•  callousness and lack of empathy
•  parasitic lifestyle
•  poor behavioral controls
•  sexual promiscuity
•  lack of realistic long-term goals
•  impulsivity
•  irresponsibility
•  failure to accept responsibility for own actions
•  many short-term marital relationships

This checklist is not mine. It’s from the well known psychologist Dr. Robert Hare.  This is the psychopathic checklist.  It’s used by professionals and not intended for the public to diagnose a psychopath (they use a scoring method to do it), but you don’t need any specialized training to know that someone who has many of these traits, you can know that they could careless about others, and are truly out for their own good.  They will without a doubt use people, and disregard them after they satisfy their own needs.

When I see people with these traits, I don’t walk. I run. And I completely disengage. They aren’t worth the time of day.  I chose to invest in people who care and are compassionate.

And last but not least, many people will see these traits and disregard them, and explain them away. This is very dangerous for you to do to yourself. You are denying red flags and you need to ask yourself why. What can’t you accept that you are doing this?

I hope this helps people assess other people’s risk factors.   Be safe!

Thinking in Pictures

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Temple Grandin is absolutely fascinating to listen to! I just love her. She talks about what makes her different in the video above–if you have time–it’s a fascinating speech!

She talks about how people with autism process communication.

When you listen to someone tell you a story, how to think about it? Do you think in language or perhaps pictures? Or maybe a combination of both?

I have known for a while I think in pictures for most of my thoughts, but I thought everyone did. I don’t even know if I can even think verbally. I never see words. I always see images. I paint movies in my head like Temple Grandin talks about.

I have realized some of my ability to pick out liars comes from being a visual person. I paint the stories people tell as images in my head and make mental movies of them, so when people change their stories, I see the movies and know the story has changed. I don’t think at all in terms of words, though words can stand out to me. This concept is rather perplexing to me.

I, like Temple Grandin, thought most people thought in pictures.

How do you think?

[polldaddy poll=9574671]

The Story of Eyeglass Lies

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Unsplash / Pixabay

Unsplash / Pixabay

I recently went out to get new glasses as its been two years since my last pair.   I went to a well known eyeglass store to pick my frames after getting my prescription at an ophthalmologist.  I worried about doing this because I know if things don’t go right they can each point the finger at the other, and I’ll be caught in the middle.

I went during the day to try to get the best service (instead of after hour part-time help).  I walked in to pick up my prescription.  The clerk found my prescription, put them on and asked me what I thought.

I looked around, looked down and tried to read. I could read at the very bottom of my progressives, but it was a very small slice of space-smaller than my last pair. That alerted me that something wasn’t right.  I then looked at the distance and compared the new glasses to my old prescription.  The distance was the same. I could see clearly.

But what I noticed was the intermediate was blurry. I could not hold a magazine and read it.  I couldn’t see my husband  in focus who was sitting next to me in a chair. He was blurry.

The clerk at the shop said to me that my husband was too close. He had to scoot back.

What???

Mind you he was about one to two feet away.

I about died.  

I then turned back to the clerk and said, “I can’t function telling everyone I interact with to move away so I can see them! That’s not my problem–it’s your problem!  These glasses aren’t right.”

She looked at me, took the glasses and said, “Yes, I agree. You need to go back to your doctor and have him fix it. Something is wrong with your prescription.”

I about died again!!!  Seriously??

This woman was lying with incredible ease. Simple plain logic told me that.

I retorted back losing my patience, “I can see far, and I can see near–but I can’t see intermediate. That’s not a prescription problem. That’s YOUR PROBLEM. It’s a progressive problem!! These were made wrong!”

I put the glasses on the table mad at this point, and she knew it. The game was over.

It didn’t take the clerk but a few seconds to say, “Yes, I don’t think these work for you. They need to be fixed.”

Hello!

She tried to push it off on me and when that didn’t work, she pushed it back to the doctor!  And when I didn’t buy her nonsense either time, she finally fessed up.

I am appalled at how quickly businesses will lie to you today.  More and more businesses are lying to save a dollar when they make the mistakes! They are masters at pushing their problems on to you, and the ease with which this woman did this, I can assure you it happens all day long.

I suspect many good kind people trust the eyeglass shops and their workers to know eyeglasses better than they do.  It’s natural to believe that!  I wonder how many people go home and just accept they have to adjust instead of having the glasses adjusted so they can see properly?  And how many people trust the clerk’s recommendation to go to the doctor, make an appointment and waste a whole bunch more time–only be told they are the monkey in the middle?   I cringe to think about it.

In the end, all they get is the run-around which is designed to wear them down. If you aren’t good on your feet and good at calling out liars, you will just end up feeling frustrated and likely settle. And businesses know that.

I’ve seen it happen to me time-and-time again!

That wasn’t the worst of it. They also charged me without asking me for insurance and a lens kit–neither of which I wanted. I found out by calling my insurance company directly, I didn’t need it their insurance–I already had it for free– and they knew it!  That reduced the price of my out-of-pocket by one-third which is quite considerable.

Buyer beware! 

I can’t stress that enough.