Dangerous People: How to Identify Them

maraisea / Pixabay

maraisea / Pixabay

One thing I’ve realized over the years is that people struggle to identify people who can cause them harm.  I mean everyone has negative traits, right?  So how do you know when someone posses a risk to you or could harm you?

Many people want to give people the benefit of the doubt when they display negative behavior, but is that really wise?

Sure, you can forgive someone for one outburst that is unacceptable if they had a bad day, but when you start forgiving them for negative trait after negative trait, that’s when you are getting into troubled territory.

So many times victims will tell you that they didn’t see trouble coming because there were no clues, but there are absolutely clues, it’s just people don’t know what to look for or they ignore them.

So today I want to share with you traits that people can have that should cause you concern and even alarm. If you know a person who exhibits any of the following traits, you really should take notice.  These traits are NEVER EVER GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR YOU.

If a person has two, three, four or more of these traits, you are likely dealing with a person who has a high probability to disregard you, use you, and even harm you emotionally, psychologically or physically. If they have many of these traits, you might not even want to engage with this person.  Why would you ever want to invest in a downward spiral like this?  Why take that risk?

Traits of Dangerous People

•  glib and superficial charm
•  grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self
•  need for stimulation
•  pathological lying
•  cunning and manipulative
•  lack of remorse or guilt
•  shallow affect (superficial emotional responsiveness)
•  callousness and lack of empathy
•  parasitic lifestyle
•  poor behavioral controls
•  sexual promiscuity
•  lack of realistic long-term goals
•  impulsivity
•  irresponsibility
•  failure to accept responsibility for own actions
•  many short-term marital relationships

This checklist is not mine. It’s from the well known psychologist Dr. Robert Hare.  This is the psychopathic checklist.  It’s used by professionals and not intended for the public to diagnose a psychopath (they use a scoring method to do it), but you don’t need any specialized training to know that someone who has many of these traits, you can know that they could careless about others, and are truly out for their own good.  They will without a doubt use people, and disregard them after they satisfy their own needs.

When I see people with these traits, I don’t walk. I run. And I completely disengage. They aren’t worth the time of day.  I chose to invest in people who care and are compassionate.

And last but not least, many people will see these traits and disregard them, and explain them away. This is very dangerous for you to do to yourself. You are denying red flags and you need to ask yourself why. What can’t you accept that you are doing this?

I hope this helps people assess other people’s risk factors.   Be safe!

Thinking in Pictures

Temple Grandin is absolutely fascinating to listen to! I just love her. She talks about what makes her different in the video above–if you have time–it’s a fascinating speech!

She talks about how people with autism process communication.

When you listen to someone tell you a story, how to think about it? Do you think in language or perhaps pictures? Or maybe a combination of both?

I have known for a while I think in pictures for most of my thoughts, but I thought everyone did. I don’t even know if I can even think verbally. I never see words. I always see images. I paint movies in my head like Temple Grandin talks about.

I have realized some of my ability to pick out liars comes from being a visual person. I paint the stories people tell as images in my head and make mental movies of them, so when people change their stories, I see the movies and know the story has changed. I don’t think at all in terms of words, though words can stand out to me. This concept is rather perplexing to me.

I, like Temple Grandin, thought most people thought in pictures.

How do you think?

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The Story of Eyeglass Lies

Unsplash / Pixabay

Unsplash / Pixabay

I recently went out to get new glasses as its been two years since my last pair.   I went to a well known eyeglass store to pick my frames after getting my prescription at an ophthalmologist.  I worried about doing this because I know if things don’t go right they can each point the finger at the other, and I’ll be caught in the middle.

I went during the day to try to get the best service (instead of after hour part-time help).  I walked in to pick up my prescription.  The clerk found my prescription, put them on and asked me what I thought.

I looked around, looked down and tried to read. I could read at the very bottom of my progressives, but it was a very small slice of space-smaller than my last pair. That alerted me that something wasn’t right.  I then looked at the distance and compared the new glasses to my old prescription.  The distance was the same. I could see clearly.

But what I noticed was the intermediate was blurry. I could not hold a magazine and read it.  I couldn’t see my husband  in focus who was sitting next to me in a chair. He was blurry.

The clerk at the shop said to me that my husband was too close. He had to scoot back.

What???

Mind you he was about one to two feet away.

I about died.  

I then turned back to the clerk and said, “I can’t function telling everyone I interact with to move away so I can see them! That’s not my problem–it’s your problem!  These glasses aren’t right.”

She looked at me, took the glasses and said, “Yes, I agree. You need to go back to your doctor and have him fix it. Something is wrong with your prescription.”

I about died again!!!  Seriously??

This woman was lying with incredible ease. Simple plain logic told me that.

I retorted back losing my patience, “I can see far, and I can see near–but I can’t see intermediate. That’s not a prescription problem. That’s YOUR PROBLEM. It’s a progressive problem!! These were made wrong!”

I put the glasses on the table mad at this point, and she knew it. The game was over.

It didn’t take the clerk but a few seconds to say, “Yes, I don’t think these work for you. They need to be fixed.”

Hello!

She tried to push it off on me and when that didn’t work, she pushed it back to the doctor!  And when I didn’t buy her nonsense either time, she finally fessed up.

I am appalled at how quickly businesses will lie to you today.  More and more businesses are lying to save a dollar when they make the mistakes! They are masters at pushing their problems on to you, and the ease with which this woman did this, I can assure you it happens all day long.

I suspect many good kind people trust the eyeglass shops and their workers to know eyeglasses better than they do.  It’s natural to believe that!  I wonder how many people go home and just accept they have to adjust instead of having the glasses adjusted so they can see properly?  And how many people trust the clerk’s recommendation to go to the doctor, make an appointment and waste a whole bunch more time–only be told they are the monkey in the middle?   I cringe to think about it.

In the end, all they get is the run-around which is designed to wear them down. If you aren’t good on your feet and good at calling out liars, you will just end up feeling frustrated and likely settle. And businesses know that.

I’ve seen it happen to me time-and-time again!

That wasn’t the worst of it. They also charged me without asking me for insurance and a lens kit–neither of which I wanted. I found out by calling my insurance company directly, I didn’t need it their insurance–I already had it for free– and they knew it!  That reduced the price of my out-of-pocket by one-third which is quite considerable.

Buyer beware! 

I can’t stress that enough.

 

Is what we perceive real?

legs

We all trust our eyes to show us the truth. We don’t typically doubt what we know we’ve seen “with our own eyes”.  Because we saw it–we know it was there! It was true. It was real.  And we often argue about our position because eyes don’t lie, right?

Be careful.

Look at what this Instagramer posted above.  What do you see?

Do you see shiny legs?  Maybe coated in oil or a slippery substance?

What if I told you there was nothing glossing up this woman’s legs at all. Absolutely nothing.

Would you believe me?  [I bet you are going back to look at that photo right now!  You don’t believe me…you trust your eyes, right?]

What if I told you she simply has white paint streaked on her legs?  Would you think I was lying?

Go look again.

Can you see it now?

Oh, wow, right?

How does this happen?

According to psychologist Claus-Christian Carbon, our brain mistakes the visual clues.  It takes the images and tries to process them in a way that makes sense, but every now and again, it fails.  And this is an example.

Which camp did you fall in? Did you see the oily legs or the painted legs?  Were you able to finally see it both ways? Or are you stuck only seeing one.

It’s kind of spooky, isn’t it?  It is that time of year — haha!!!

If you enjoyed that, this one is 10 times worse!  I tell ya. It’s still making me batty.  It’s a dress.

What color do you think the dress is??  Be careful. 

You can’t always trust what you see with your own two eyes!

48 Hours: Frances Hall and Bonnie Contreras

If you caught 48 Hours this past weekend, what a story they told. You can’t believe the situations people find themselves in, and how they react and handle them until you see it sometimes. Emotions can cause people to do dumb and devastating things. Emotions, if not controlled, will derail you faster than anything else in this world, and that is what appeared to happen in this story.

Frances and Bill Hall were married 32 years. They were high school sweethearts. Bill Hall built a successful trucking company and it appears his success got to his head. He felt entitled to have a very young girlfriend (half his age), and a wife. He kept communications open with both women even after his wife knew about his infidelity. And worse, his mistress, Bonnie Contreras texted his wife horrible things and attacked her on social media.

One day in October, Frances saw her husband and Bonnie driving on the road the opposite direction, and says she did a u-turn to confront Bonnie.  Witness spotted the two women driving fast and erratically, and reported it to police. And the man in the middle, Bill Frances was there too, on his custom blue Harley, and tried to come between the women in some fashion.

In the end, something occurred where Bill’s motorcycle went off the road, and he ultimately ended up dying from his injuries.

The question raised on 48 Hours and in the courtroom was:  Who was telling the truth?

Bonnie Contreras testified that Frances started ramming her vehicle from behind repeatedly. Then she says Bill was between them on his Harley, and that Frances hit Bill sending him flying off his bike. She testifies that she also saw the motorcycle fly off the road, too, and that Frances never stopped.

Frances claims she never hit Bonnie, and that she didn’t hit Bill–that he wasn’t between them. From the accident scene, it appears that Bill possibly grazed the side of Frances vehicle while riding on the shoulder, and lost control. Frances says she has no idea he was there or that she hit him.  Yet the state thinks she intentionally killed him in a rage.

Who do you believe is telling the truth?

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