In the past week, several people have mentioned to me that they come to my blog with the hopes of improving their deception detection skills. And while I would love to write that is the reason why I write this blog, it’s not.
I don’t doubt that you will pick up a clue or two that hints at deception, but I don’t believe it will improve your overall accuracy at spotting a lie to any great degree. There are so many nuances that go into determining if someone is deceptive that vary case-by-case, it isn’t as easy as applying one clue or another across the board to become a skilled detector. If you do, it will trip you up one too many times and be costly for you. Guaranteed (see this post). I strongly discourage it.
If deception detection were about knowing and understanding the clues, most people would be masters of it, but studies show us this is not the case.
Read moreBelieve it or not, but before I wrote this blog and tried to understand what I do naturally, I know if you asked me to list all the clues I used to spot deception, I would have struggled to tell you one or two. I say that in all honesty. I truly don’t believe I could have identified them to save my soul. In fact, it has taken me four years to verbalize the clues that I see when I spot deception.
But I can tell you that I was good at understanding other people. I was good at understanding human behavior down to the little ticks we make when we are about to speak, but don’t. I understood the signs of hesitation, the facial expression one makes when he is thinking, pondering and wondering. I could spot a dreamer out of a crowd, and identify the hidden signs someone was truly depressed despite their verbal message.
Understanding human behavior is where my strongest talent is, even today. Deception detection is just a sub-skill of that.
All my life, I loved to ask people “What are you thinking?”, “How are you feeling?”, “Why do you feel that way?” to the point I drove my friends when I was younger INSANE. I always wanted to know the who, what, why, where, and when [sometimes the how]. I just had to know. I was beyond curious! Even when we made up after an argument, I had to understand why they felt and acted the way they did, even if they were right. Of course, being a child in this quest for knowledge made it easier to be so nosy.
On the first day at my new job as a “professional” after graduating from university, the woman who was assigned to show me the ropes stopped me in the middle of my introduction to some equipment and said, “What is this 20 questions?” in a very exasperated tone.
Mind you, the 20 questions were not about the equipment before us, the company or my job, they were about her, personally.
Yes, that’s right, no one was exempt from my desire to be understood. There was never a predicament that I found myself in where I didn’t seek to understand the other side. I wanted to walk in their shoes, if only for a second. I wanted to understand them, to the core.
So if you want to improve your deception detection skills, start by studying and getting to know the truly intricate behavior of honest people. Watch their behaviors. Watch them talk, move, interact, react and behave in a variety of situations. Get to know people like the hairs on the back of your hand and study how they react in every situation.
I can tell you it takes time. Lots of time, but persistence should yield some results–if you are truly interested and dedicated.
Then test yourself. Watch someone and see if you understand what each minute gesture they make means. Don’t just guess–ask them “Were you just thinking this? I’m curious.” See how often you are accurate.
Work until your accuracy is stellar.
Talk to people when you don’t understand them, and ask them what they are thinking and why they are thinking what they are. Open up dialog. Ask questions until you do understand.
Learn about other people — familiar and foreign. Learn to understand the nuance of normal human behavior in every situation you can because once you can do that, deception detection will become a whole lot easier. It will become like second nature.
So there you have it. Do know that I never did set out on a quest to do this. It was my nature, how I was born, how I took in and approached the world. But this, I think, is one of the more powerful ways that you can improve your ability to understand others, and improve your potential to spot a lie.
Why do I write this blog? Do you still wonder? I thought people would enjoy seeing how someone with my ability thinks, how I come to my conclusions and how I see the world. I also write it because it is healing for me to share my thoughts with strangers, as people one-on-one often get uncomfortable when I share my inner thoughts. And last, I’d like to show that truth wizards really do exist and that we do have talent. By writing my thoughts before a live audience, I hope to build a record of what is possible with regards to deception detection.
