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Fun Times

Since I’ve learned that I am a deception detection wizard, I have shared it with all of my friends. While I expected a few to disappear into the distance due to insecurities or secrets, and some have retreated — others have stood steadfast by me, excited and thrilled with the knowledge. I know they are my true friends, even if they are a little nervous about my abilities.

In the process, I’ve witness something really sweet. I will be sharing something with a friend (a lunch I cooked, cookies I made, homemade wine, etc) and I will innocently without thinking ask for an opinion. I will say…”When you take a bite, give me your opinion. What do you think? Do you like it? And its okay if you don’t like it. Feel free to tell me what you really think.”

Then as I am innocently waiting for them to try it and give me a response — not even thinking about lies –I see an expressions on their face, like uh-oh. How do I deal with this one? What if I don’t like it? How do I tell her without her seeing right through me?

I can see the person’s mind going, thinking through how to handle the situation. I wish I was prepared for these responses — because if I was — I would have broken the ice. Instead, they were offering an opinion as I was figuring out what was happening before me.

One friend was smart: This friend immediately passed on the goods to another person — and let this other person decide. It was clever, fast thinking and very sweet. This behavior told me that my friend(s) do value me, don’t want to lie even a polite acceptable lie. That was really dear to me! And the second friend who then gave an opinion, in this situation, stopped for a second, and then was open and honest — almost without thought. It was precious.

For me, I much prefer the honest answer — even if you don’t like something. That’s A-O K with me. Next time I know exactly what I need to do so I know you are happy. I hate trying to hit the mark, knowing I missed – yet I hear how lovely things are! I can’t improve then because while I will know you don’t like something — I won’t know why! Remember, I am not psychic.

Better yet, when you give me an honest critique, I might actually agree with you in the end — and learn something myself! I may get a whole new, refreshing perspective. I love to learn 🙂

P.S. Do know when I am casually having fun with friends, the last thing on my radar is if you are telling me a lie. Likely, unless it is a whopper, I won’t really care enough to take note 🙂

Reading People

In order to see lies, you have to have the fundamental skill of understanding people: knowing what makes people tick, what makes them think and do what they do. I have always known, long before I knew I could see lies, that I understood people beyond what the average person could, innately — just lately I’ve started thinking about it more. I want to understand the degree to which I am unique.

Friday night, my husband and I were watching Crime & Punishment on MSNBC’s cable channel. For those of you not familiar with the show, it’s a type of documentary. In a one hour show, you are brought into a live courtroom trial. You are introduced to all the players and get to watch them throughout the trial. Often times, you get to see them talk and interact outside of the courtroom as well. I’m simply fascinated by it! I get to watch people which naturally is a big hobby of mine.

It was when I was watching an episode Friday night that I had a light bulb moment. My light bulb moment was this: When I see a new person — a stranger — I immediately have a framework for who they are — almost without thought. The way they dress, the way they carry themselves instantly gives me a frame of who they are even before any words are spoken.

I always knew I saw more than the average person when I heard a stranger say a few sentences, but I didn’t realize I see plenty before any words are spoken.

Then as stranger’s talk, they paint an elaborate picture for me (figuratively) that builds on my initial framework and in a very short time (a couple of minutes), I can tell you heaps about a person. The amount of information I can tell you often stuns people. That’s when people often suspect I am psychic (Arrrrgh! You know I am not). My talent lies in observation and understanding of human nature: pure and simple. It’s that basic.

Anyway, on Friday night, while watching the show, I stopped the tape and asked my husband what he could tell me about the two attorneys before him — the prosecutor and the defense attorney. I could discern so much from how they dressed, how they carried themselves, how they felt about the world around them, but could he? Could he see even a little of what I saw? After all, my husband is a very intelligent man. When it comes to math and science, I’m handicapped compared to him. In those areas, he’s my wizard!

Since my people-reading skills are the baseline skill to my ability to read lies, I was curious to know what my husband sees — as he represents an intelligent normal person.

I asked my husband if he gets an initial framework when he meets someone, or if he read into a person’s personality from minimal responses — and he confirmed it for me: when he looks at someone new, a stranger, he sees a blank slate. He doesn’t see what I see. Furthermore, he said when someone starts talking, he takes everything they say at face value — exactly as I had come to suspect.

Naturally, I don’t. I want to stress that I am this way because this is how I was born. I was not taught how to “read” people. I did not consciously sit down and study people. I just realized one day that I was different — that I understood people — and this is just part of it.

How about you? Do you get a framework, and then an elaborate painting like I do when you meet a stranger? Or do you see things at face value, like my husband?

Fast forward to dinner on Saturday night. Saturday night was my husband’s birthday — so my family all went out to dinner to celebrate. At the restaurant, my mom and I were talking about my light bulb moment on Friday. My mom sees it exactly as I do. My dad, however, confirmed that he doesn’t see what “we” see. He sees it like my husband.

With that, my mom and I took note of our waiter. We started talking about him. He was bright-eyed and quick. His service was exceptional. He was friendly. He was tall and clean-cut. He was well dressed. He was confident in how he carried himself. He had the mannerisms of someone who will succeed in life. In these few clues, you can derive a lot of information — without any words being spoken.

As the waiter took our order, I watched him. But it was when the waiter was picking up the plates from our appetizer when my mom said, “Boy, that was a lot of food — and we ate it all! Do you offer any free exercise plan with this?”

The waiter laughed, and said, “Yes, actually we do. We offer complimentary laps around the restaurant. We just ask that you go clockwise until you hear the whistle. When the whistle blows, change directions, please.”

My mom laughed, and said, “Do you provide tennis shoes too?” and the waiter said, “No, our preference is that you go barefoot.”

We all laughed and the waiter went on his way. His sense of humor showed that he was a quick thinker on his feet, and that he had excellent communication skills. Furthermore, his sense of humor validated the fact that he was a secure and confident individual. You could also discern that he knew how to put people at ease.

I volunteered to my family that I suspected this young man was working this job part-time in the evening for the money — but that he had full-time career during the day or was still studying at the college level. My mom and I both bantered back and forth about how this young man was going to be successful one day. He had what it takes to get ahead. It was clear for my mom and I to see — based on simple observations. We enjoyed conjecturing about this man.

My mom then wondered if he had gone to college. After we finished dinner, got up to leave and put on our coats, my mom said, “I’ve got to tell this guy if he hasn’t gone to college — he needs to. It will open doors for him!” As she started to approach the waiter, I tried to reach for her but I missed. I wanted to say to my mom that he may have already graduated from the looks of his age (perhaps 21) — but my mom was out of grasp.

When she approached the waiter, and told him he needed to go to college because he had a bright future, the waiter responded back that he had just graduated, and that this was only a part-time job. He explained he was working full-time during the day for a magazine — pursuing his career.

The guy beamed that my mom noticed him and complimented him.

It was thrilling for me to get the feedback that my observations and understanding of people can be so accurate. But naturally, they have to be for me to see lies as much as I do. Understanding people is my baseline skill — or rather an inborn ability — seeing lies is a tributary of it. It’s just who I am…

What do you see when you meet a stranger?

Record 48 Hours this Saturday

On Saturday, 48 Hours (CBS, 10 p.m. ET/PT) is going to air the first interview with John Ramsey after Patsy’s death.

48 Hours writes, “There is provocative new evidence in the JonBenet Ramsey murder – evidence that could have cleared her parents from the start. Plus, John Ramsey gives his first interview since his wife Patsy died.”

I find the words “could have” paramount in the release by 48 Hours — but nonetheless, I will watch it with an open-mind.

I will be watching, will you?

Check back next week to see if you see what I see. Save your recording so you can compare what I see with what you see!

“Oops! …I Did It Again”

Did you see the news?

I am sad to report, for Britney Spears and her children, that she has filed for divorce stating that her marriage has “irreconcilable differences”.

It was just this past June that Spears, pregnant with her second child, did an interview with Matt Lauer on Dateline NBC to try to dispel the myth that her marriage was in trouble. She wanted you to believe her marriage was awesome, understandably. At that time Spears was in denial, and no one can blame her for being there when she was pregnant. It is part of the human emotional-survival response. I do not judge her for it.

Sadly, however, when Spears did that interview, I could clearly see the denial. Britney was trying to soothe herself. She wanted to believe her marriage would make it, though in her heart, clearly before her, she was struggling with the reality–pushing it away.

Read my June post about Spears interview with Dateline NBC and Matt Lauer here.

I truly wish Britney Spears, and her family all the best in finding true happiness.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t see all the things I see. It’s painful to secretly carry, and face the pains other can’t (in my private life), yet it is relief when they face the truth and move on–because that is a huge positive step. For when we face the truth, it is the first opportunity we have to seek out, and find true happiness.

Ted Haggard Quits

I wrote almost a year ago to the day that I did not trust Ted Haggard, the leader of the New Life Church in Colorado Springs. Did you know the membership at Haggard’s Colorado Springs church totals 14,000 (excluding Haggard’s national following)?

Haggard gave me the heebie-jeebies in his interview with Dan Rather a year ago. Haggard had a plastered fake smile that never left his face. He gave me the feeling he was only out for one thing: the mighty buck.

He set off my warning bells, that’s for sure. I am not surprised by these allegations at all.

Read my post about Ted Haggard last year here.

Thanks to my uncle Dave for pointing the news story out to me as it broke last night! He remembered seeing my post a few months ago about Haggard and the New Life Church.