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There is an interesting study about how the color red influences our beliefs on the person wearing it! Check this out…
Women don’t trust other women who wear red around their spouse or significant other!
The other night, my husband and I went out to dinner at my favorite sushi restaurant. We walked in the front door, and we were the only two guests in the entrance. There was a man behind the desk who looked up at us as we walked in. He was tall, slightly stocky, had sandy blond hair, and boyish features. I suspect he was in his mid-twenties.
Read moreWhen this man’s eyes met mine, I noticed he was startled. I thought it was odd. It’s rare to see someone startled when you walk into a restaurant. Then he grabbed some paperwork on the counter and shuffled it, but he didn’t look at it. He just took the papers and moved them from one hand to the other as he watched us approach.
Without a conscious thought, my brain kicked in and said to me, “He must be new!” before I could even rationalize all that just occurred in the seconds it took me to walk the 10 feet to the counter.
“Good evening,” he said. “How are you tonight?” He grabbed two menus and brought us to our seats. Once we were comfortable, he came back and introduced himself.
“Hi. I’m John. I’ll be your server today. Would you like the à la carte menu today?”
“Yes, actually we would. Thanks!” I replied back as he handed them to us.
He laughed. “You’re going to put me to the test today, aren’t you?” He cracked a slight smile.
For those of you who don’t eat sushi, eating à la carte is more complex and involved. You have to know the different fish, rolls and wraps, etc. Many people even order them by their Japanese name.
I couldn’t help but jump in. I said, “We are going to put you to the test, but don’t worry, we don’t bite. I promise. Are you new here?”
To no surprise of mine, he said, “Yes, this is my second day.”
We placed the order for our appetizers.
When the waiter left, I was dying to say to my husband, “I knew it!! I knew it!!! I knew he was new! It was written all over his face. Did you see it?? Did you see it??”
My husband, who thankfully allows me all the space to share everything I see, laughed and said, “No. I missed it. Sorry.” You could tell I was blind-siding him with this information out of nowhere!
It was a fascinating experience for me to pick up on such small nuances. I am becoming more consciously aware of how I process things subconsciously and instantaneously.
This man showed two emotions. His face expressed fear as we walked in. He was startled. I have no idea, if he showed it as a macro or micro expression, but he clearly expressed surprise. However, I am not sure how I registered the fear.
Did he express it on his face alone, or did I pick up on his body language (paper shuffling), or was it a combination of both? I have no idea because it all happened so fast that it became a blur once I started to put the pieces together. But it just amazes me how my brain connected those two emotions and knew instantly it meant that he had to be new. If I was asked to do that consciously, I think it would have taken me several minutes to come to that conclusion.
My subconscious brain comes to conclusions long before my conscious brain has even had time to analyze things. I’ve learned, however, if I can slow down what just happened, seconds after it happens, and go through it step-by-step, I can often learn from it. I can connect some of the dots consciously that I subconsciously put together without being aware of it. Does that make sense?
On a happy ending, the man was an excellent waiter. He has a bright future, if he keeps this as a career choice. He was top-notch, his timing was excellent and his service superb. I hope I calmed his nerves, because when we left, I told the owner right in front of him that his new employee was outstanding!
So many people come to my website because they type in the word liar, and are looking for help because they suspect, or have discovered that someone is deceiving them.
If this is you, I recommend two websites to help you understand deception in relationships. The first I have mentioned before: Truth About Deception. The second one I would like to recommend is called LoveFraud.com. Both of these websites should be helpful for people who struggle with lying in a relationship.
Read moreLoveFraud.com is a website and a blog written by a woman, Donna Andersen, who is a freelance writer from New Jersey. She married a sociopath, and has now dedicated a fair amount of her time to write and maintain this website (and subsequent blog) about sociopaths.
Andersen explains sociopaths in depth, and furthermore, she shares with us her own personal experience with a sociopath, but that is just the tip of the iceberg for this website. Andersen provides great links, research and other personal stories and encounters from other victims of sociopaths. She even has a psychiatrist on her blog who is available for questions, and who writes posts.
Do you think you’ve ever met a sociopath (or psychopath)?
I’ve asked this question to many people, and I am amazed at the response I get. “No, and I don’t want to. ” The reality is we all have met psychopaths, but most likely didn’t know it.
Psychopaths aren’t people who are raged filled, and ready to murder the next person who walks into their trap. Instead, these people are usually exceptional manipulators who can smooth talk the best of us into weaving pieces of their intricate web of deception for them without us being any wiser.
If you haven’t checked out Donna Andersen’s website, I highly recommend it. It’s packed with very useful information, and if you are personally involved with someone who lies a lot, perhaps this information will be valuable for you. It could save you from a lot of heartache, and as Donna says, it could save your life.
Andersen also writes:
Dr. Hare (an international expert on sociopaths) estimates that 1% of the people in North America are born sociopaths. If the percentage holds true for the entire world, in a global population of 6.5 billion there are 65 million sociopaths. With so many around, everyone is bound to cross paths with them sooner or later.
I highly recommend clicking on her side bar topics like Risk Calculator, Quiz: Are you a Target, and How to Spot a Con.
It’s a fascinating read!
Age 41 …………………Age 53
Photo no longer available
More about Drew Peterson by Eyes here
For those of you who know me, and have read through my blog, you are probably familiar with what I call paralleling. It’s something I do, that is innate, that helps me spot deception and relate to others at lightening speed.
Essentially, when I hear the voice of a stranger, see the face of a stranger or watch a stranger interact with their surroundings, many times a trigger is fired in my brain that instantly recollects someone I’ve known in the past who shares a similarity to this stranger.
A person that I’ve known in the past appears in my minds-eye without thought, and I instantly know there is a similarity between the two. Sometimes the similarities are striking and elaborate, other times the two only share a flicker of commonality in one or two areas — but there is no doubt a commonality in personalities.
It is paralleling that allows me to accurately assess a stranger based on a person I’ve known in my past.
Read moreParalleling the Voice of Rachel Ray
Right now on the radio in my town, there is a woman who has Rachel Ray’s voice. Every time I hear this radio announcer, I see Rachel Ray talking in my mind. This parallel connection either hints at the fact that they may have grown up within the same area of New York — hence I notice the similar voice inflections — or they share similar personality traits.
From what I know about Rachel and this radio announcer, I can definitely say they share the similarities of being outgoing, independent strong women who know what they want and what they like. Neither are shy or afraid to speak their mind. Both both have an interest in the media! If I were to sit down and write up the traits of Rachel Ray and present them to this radio announcer, I bet there would be more than a few coincidental similarities.
The Unknown Science
What paralleling tells me is that facial features, voice and behaviors all must somehow relate to personalities, and behaviors — or this unknown science of mine wouldn’t work.
Could a jaw line that is shared by my husband’s grandma and Warren Buffet indicate that one doesn’t hold grudges and is accepting of life? Warren Buffets jawline triggered a parallel connection to my husband’s grandma’s jawline, and instantly, when it did, I knew the two were similar in their approach to life. Yes, it is weird. I know. It’s wacky science, but who knows, maybe in 100 years it it won’t be. Facial features and their ratios may signify way more than we realize now. Then again, it could be something entirely different that makes paralleling effective. I don’t have answers, only questions.
Paralleling in Medicine?
One reader to my blog last Spring suggested that paralleling personalities could lead to a new paradigm in medicine. What if doctors paralleled people and used this information to treat their patients?
In essence, what if people who shared similar looks, or behaved similarily turned out to share a the same predisposition for certain diseases? What if the alignment ratio of your eyes to your nose meant you were predisposed to getting Alzheimers, heart disease and cancer of the lungs?
How we look, and sound – and hence behave — may very well be connected to more than just surface elements. Isn’t that a weird thought?
Applying that to my paralleling, could the alignment and ratio of facial features such as eyes and nose indicate one is arrogant, self-serving, insecure and predisposed to lying? Could the pitch of your voice tells us how outgoing and social you are? Could the shape and size of one’s lips tell us about how generous you are?
These are certainly interesting questions for which I have no answers. I just know paralleling has something behind it and it needs to be studied.
Photo link from the Chicago-SunTimes
The Stebic-Peterson Connection
When news broke yesterday that Craig Stebic said he could relate to Drew Peterson and the Chicago Sun-Times displayed a photo of the two men side-by-side (above), it was almost eerie. It stopped me dead in my tracks.
It was a parallel experience, set off not by my brain, but by the photos of the two men side-by-side.
Look at these two men. From the photo shared by the Sun-Times, you might mistake these two for the same person. While I know they don’t look exactly alike due to their age difference — the two share strikingly similar features. It’s as if they are brothers, isn’t it?
Look at how these men have behaved in the cases of their missing wives. Look at the stories told by their family members. The similarities are more than just coincidence.
I don’t know either of them well enough for my ability of paralleling to kick in, but I can apply the theory. What one does, the other might likely do as well simply based on the similarity of their looks combined with the similarity of what little we know of their actions.
We could speculate that they are both manipulative, controlling men who were stubborn, arrogant and yet at the heart, very insecure. We could speculate both men in their marriage attempted to wear the pants, be the disciplinarian in the family and that both had one heck of an ego. Both men berated their wives, were likely abusive, and didn’t respect anyone else (deep down inside) yet both demanded respect from everyone to the point they likely alienated people.
We could also speculate that these two men were likely suspicious of people and weren’t able to trust others.
If you introduced these two, I suspect they would either love or hate each other — because they would be so similar. And in a way, Craig Stebic has reached out to Drew Peterson because I suspect he sees it, too. I think he sees himself in Peterson much more deeply than the fact both have missing wives and have been hounded by the media.
The police would be wise to keep close tabs on both of these men. These two might really want to meet each other, or at minimum talk though they both might be afraid of the other because they each know what the other is capable of.
I suspect both men thought the same way about a lot more than just their wives. The Stebic and Peterson families could benefit from getting to know each other — because what one family knows about one might apply to the other.
I just hope these men both didn’t do the exact same thing to their wives. I hope they didn’t both find the ultimate hiding place for a corpse.
While I don’t understand the intricacies of paralleling, and how I do it let alone how it works, I am very curious to look more closely at it. There is more to paralleling than meets the eye. I know that for sure.
Randy Pausch is one incredible human being and every person should hear Randy’s “Last Lecture”. Yes, that includes you!
His messages are fabulous. I think he is a wake up call to so many of us. So many people live life checked-out and he, who is dying, gives us an incredible message on how to live. I love every one of his life messages.
